What if You Fly?

You have a strategy for your health.

You have a strategy for making and saving money.

Do you have a strategy for your love life?

Uh-no.

Many people I talk to don’t have love strategies. You have been led to believe that your soulmate will save you, or love will find you, or not to expect love at all because love hurts so stay away from it. So, you hang out on the sidelines and keep your distance from love all the while knowing there is so much more love for you.

Ouch!

I get it, boy do I understand! I did it too. There isn’t much relationship education around, is there? Most of us watch relationships that were modeled for us growing up or around us. We tune into relationships in movies or tv shows or in books and wonder where ours is. We get ideas about love and no way to use them.

Frustration.

With little or no solid information on how to create a long-lasting love relationship to go by, you wander along. Or you numb out or set yourself up for pain again and again. The seemingly never-ending search continues until you feel like giving up.

Don’t give up.

It’s not your fault. Old advice that doesn’t work and unrealistic expectations are to blame. You have been taught, told and sold a boat load of relationship info and game playing nonsense that don’t work. You’ve been socially conditioned with old love ideas to apply to new love. You have been given a one size fits all approach that isn’t helpful and adds to your stress and suffering.

Enough is enough. Stop. No more.

You are worthy of more love, joy and connection. Absorb that. Today is the day you flip your painful love script to your pleasant new love results. With new ideas, information and exercises, you can create love relationships that you - well, love!

What if you fly?

I offer you new ways to connect with more love and share it in your way and your time. Love your way, welcoming new love mindsets. End the sadness, pushing and guessing games forever.

Start creating your new and next relationships now. Ask me how. How? With your action and my information, accountability and support. Forget old love advice and gain new love clarity. If you want new, have a listen here: https://optimizedrelationships.com/three-word-fix

Love On.

p.s. -  ^^^click the link above for 3 words that can change your love life!

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

One Soulmate?

I was talking with a guy I met after a fast and fun speed networking event recently. Let’s call him Chad for our purposes here. Chad is a successful small business owner that loves his kids, his work and his life.

We talked about everything from the refrigerator in his garage to keeping his phone on all night next to him on the nightstand. Chad wants to turn off his cellphone and sleep deeply but his fear of his aging mom and/or his teenage kids needing him at all hours keep his phone charged and at the ready. Restorative sleep arrives in bits and pieces.

From cell phones we moved on.

He confided in me that he and his wife are divorced. I listened without judgment. They divorced a while ago and he has custody of their 3 kids. He isn’t upset, bitter or confused about his divorce. He has accepted it.

Then Chad zeroed in on what I felt he had been avoiding asking me. Until he did. His fidgeting hands became still on the notebook and phones in front of him. He got quiet as he met and held eye contact with me across the table.

He first listed several problems he had in his marriage. He detailed his viewpoint and her viewpoint. As he narrowed his eyes, he asked me if I really think there is someone who could love him in a romantic relationship?

I paused and tried not to react to what I consider a shocking question. I gathered my thoughts and replied, “No there is not one person out there who can love you, there are at least 1,000, probably more. A lot more.”

My seriousness was met with his silence.

He told me he didn’t fully believe me. When his marriage ended it hurt like hell and he gave up on romantic love. He focused on raising his kids. He wondered aloud if love had passed him by now. He isn’t getting any younger.

Chad gave up on love. Love didn’t give up on him.

Chad is worthy of love, big love as soon as he feels he is. He is clarifying his thoughts about what love is and is not. He is growing and changing as he considers moving on to romantic love now. He is calibrating his expectations. He is shifting from his love hurts mindset to maybe love doesn’t hurt all the time mindset.

Chad won’t move on until he lets go of his self-judgment and self-criticism. His harsh self-talk is keeping him from remembering who he is at his core and the love he can share.

Chad is not any less magnificent because his last relationship didn’t work out. That relationship and the end of it make him who he is now. The lessons and blessings of all his relationships form him and help him grow. His experiences help him know what he doesn’t want and what he wants more of.

He just might be leaning to considering creating more love with new love.

That is up to him. Love is always a choice.

As the room clears out, he asks me one more time if I’m sure there is new love for him. I answer yes. Unequivocally, absolutely there is more love for Chad. For all of us.

We exchanged business cards and left on a light note.

Chad is in the process of remembering and healing. I hope his love process includes getting empowered in self-love, choosing to be vulnerable again and choosing to do what excites and terrifies him at the same time: to love again. Choosing to love again is the bravest thing anyone can do.

I hope Chad knows how brave he is. I hope we work together. I hope he creates new love connections and relationships that give him many joyful reasons to check his cellphone. Especially in the middle of the night!

Love On.

p.s. -  Are you READY to be in the love conversation? Let’s talk about it: :  https://m.me/RisaKelley?ref=LetsChat

Photo by Alexander Possingham on Unsplash

Red Hearts on the Horizon 2018

Whether you are happily single or enjoying a love relationship, Valentine's Day can trigger old conditioning and pressure. Release what you have been taught that feels awful. Forget conventional celebrations and go for fun.

Laugh a little and love a lot with these simple strategies. . .

If you are single:

1. Expand Your Love Concept - Celebrate love your way. You are connected to love always. Be grateful for love and it multiplies. Many different types of love bloom inside you at this very moment. Have a blast remembering all the types of love you feel for: friends, nature, pets, hobbies, groups or organizations, sports, reading, music, art, food, exercise, or creating what makes you happy. If there are 36 words for snow, you have 50+ types of love within you now. Clarify and celebrate all of them.

2.  Make an Appointment with Yourself - Make time on or close to Valentine's Day for a Valentine’s celebration. Do something you love. Make yourself a priority and allow time to do one activity that energizes you. Commit to do what fires you up and honor your commitment to yourself. You are important. Feel the joy inside of you well up and connect with what you love to do. Celebrate your value with self-love.

3.  Give Yourself a Valentine - Yes, you deserve a valentine from you to you because you are with you for life. Make it fun. This is a great opportunity to connect with giving and receiving from both sides. Get excited about what you are giving yourself, this is not the time to be boring or practical or fix the vacuum. Don't be traditional, be bold and personal. Treat yourself. Tell people. Giving a gift to yourself celebrates your self-worth.

If you are in a relationship you value:

1.  Take A Moment to Reflect - Take time out and breathe. Remember your self-love. Now is the time to connect with yourself and get clear. What have you learned about yourself in your relationship? What have you learned about your partner? How do you feel about your relationship? How can you create more harmony your relationship?

2.  Take the Pressure Off - Do what brings you and your partner joy. Simple joy. Ditch expectations and really connect with your partner. Set aside time to deeply focus and listen to each other. Take turns expressing your feelings and understanding where you are at this point in your relationship. Use your authentic empowered voices to express to each other what is important and in your hearts. Mindfully create more closeness.

3. Challenge Yourself to Do the Unexpected - Switch it up. Decide if and how to express your love to your significant other. If traditional expressions of love have become stale or expected, ditch the jewelry and flowers. Get personal with your partner. Go for what delights you, makes you laugh or what lifts your energies. Honor and celebrate that you are two individuals that have created a different dynamic combined love. 

Mix them up and make them your own. Let me know what works for you. Valentine’s day is for love and we all are here together in onelove.

Love On.

p.s. -  Are you READY to be in the love conversation? Let’s talk about it: :  https://m.me/RisaKelley?ref=LetsChat

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

On Hold

Drink this quote in and absorb it. Let it sink through your bones and linger. Savor it. Try it on and see how wonderful it looks on you.

Are you ready?

“Great people do things before they’re ready.” ~ Amy Poehler

If you lose the weight, or take another class, or get more money or do a couple more things – will you be ready?

There will always be more to do.  Doing v. being. Will you ever be ready?

Not perfectly ready. Perfect doesn’t exist. Ready, ready.

Your experiences, preferences, quirks and dreams make you who you are. You are perfectly imperfect today. You are amazing as you are right now in this very second. Not tomorrow, not next week, not someday. NOW.

Feel it inside, remember your strength.

You are not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. You are enough.

Your power is in the now. NOW.

Don’t be tempted to wait until things in your life settle down or pick up or are just the way you want them. Someday sucks. Start now. Allow yourself the space to try something new. Give yourself permission to inhabit beginner’s grace.

Be new at something. Now. As you are.  

So, do that one little thing you’ve been meaning to do. That is the back of your mind and the front of your heart. That fires you up or calms you down. Start today. Begin your new and next.

It’s important that you start. Go ahead and jump or build the plane while you are flying it or land somewhere you’ve never been. There is never a better time to start than before you are ready to be ready.

Love On. 

p.s. -  Are you READY to be in the love conversation? Let’s talk about it: :  https://m.me/RisaKelley?ref=LetsChat