One Soulmate?

I was talking with a guy I met after a fast and fun speed networking event recently. Let’s call him Chad for our purposes here. Chad is a successful small business owner that loves his kids, his work and his life.

We talked about everything from the refrigerator in his garage to keeping his phone on all night next to him on the nightstand. Chad wants to turn off his cellphone and sleep deeply but his fear of his aging mom and/or his teenage kids needing him at all hours keep his phone charged and at the ready. Restorative sleep arrives in bits and pieces.

From cell phones we moved on.

He confided in me that he and his wife are divorced. I listened without judgment. They divorced a while ago and he has custody of their 3 kids. He isn’t upset, bitter or confused about his divorce. He has accepted it.

Then Chad zeroed in on what I felt he had been avoiding asking me. Until he did. His fidgeting hands became still on the notebook and phones in front of him. He got quiet as he met and held eye contact with me across the table.

He first listed several problems he had in his marriage. He detailed his viewpoint and her viewpoint. As he narrowed his eyes, he asked me if I really think there is someone who could love him in a romantic relationship?

I paused and tried not to react to what I consider a shocking question. I gathered my thoughts and replied, “No there is not one person out there who can love you, there are at least 1,000, probably more. A lot more.”

My seriousness was met with his silence.

He told me he didn’t fully believe me. When his marriage ended it hurt like hell and he gave up on romantic love. He focused on raising his kids. He wondered aloud if love had passed him by now. He isn’t getting any younger.

Chad gave up on love. Love didn’t give up on him.

Chad is worthy of love, big love as soon as he feels he is. He is clarifying his thoughts about what love is and is not. He is growing and changing as he considers moving on to romantic love now. He is calibrating his expectations. He is shifting from his love hurts mindset to maybe love doesn’t hurt all the time mindset.

Chad won’t move on until he lets go of his self-judgment and self-criticism. His harsh self-talk is keeping him from remembering who he is at his core and the love he can share.

Chad is not any less magnificent because his last relationship didn’t work out. That relationship and the end of it make him who he is now. The lessons and blessings of all his relationships form him and help him grow. His experiences help him know what he doesn’t want and what he wants more of.

He just might be leaning to considering creating more love with new love.

That is up to him. Love is always a choice.

As the room clears out, he asks me one more time if I’m sure there is new love for him. I answer yes. Unequivocally, absolutely there is more love for Chad. For all of us.

We exchanged business cards and left on a light note.

Chad is in the process of remembering and healing. I hope his love process includes getting empowered in self-love, choosing to be vulnerable again and choosing to do what excites and terrifies him at the same time: to love again. Choosing to love again is the bravest thing anyone can do.

I hope Chad knows how brave he is. I hope we work together. I hope he creates new love connections and relationships that give him many joyful reasons to check his cellphone. Especially in the middle of the night!

Love On.

p.s. -  Are you READY to be in the love conversation? Let’s talk about it: :  https://m.me/RisaKelley?ref=LetsChat

Photo by Alexander Possingham on Unsplash