The Self Love Issue

You know the scenario of the sad loner lost without love. . . . 

It's one of the most damaging love myths I can think of and it goes like this:

There may be something wrong with you if you aren't paired off in a traditional two person relationship. You are somehow incomplete when you aren't in a romantic relationship. You trudge through a gray world of grief and sadness alone and forlorn. Your choices are to put on a brave face, give up on love or search in vain for "the one," your other half, or your soul mate. 

Ouch!

This poisonous lie is responsible for more heart break and at the root of more misunderstandings than all the shenanigans on dating websites combined. My heart was broken when I believed this garbage and maybe your heart too? It is time for new approaches and new results in loving each other.

I am here to channel unconditional love. My mission is to help you unlearn what doesn't work and what hurts. When you consciously release what has hurt you in the past, you open up room for what feels much better now.

Hello Love.

Now, let's look together at why this toxic myth doesn't hold up:

You have been told there is a lid for every pot. You are socially conditioned in subtle and not so subtle ways that you are inadequate if you are not in a love relationship and so you search for your other half to "get" you, to love you for you, to take care of you and to have your back. You wait. You want to be included. 

The problem is you are giving someone else the responsibility for how you feel. You are basing your happiness on what someone else feels about you. Slippery slope territory indeed! If they accept you and love you, you are loved.

That is ass backward.

It's like me asking you to exercise for me so I feel strong and fit. When does this work? 

You are the only one who can take responsibility for your exercise, your emotions and your happiness. Love you for you. Include yourself.

Harsh news flash:

There is no one coming to rescue you or take care of you or make it better before you do it yourself. When you know and feel in your heart that you are loving, loveable and loved, you model it for others.  When you take responsibility for your hopes, dreams, love and fears you can then choose to share them or not.  

The irony is that when you need someone outside of yourself to love you, you ask them to do what you are not doing for yourself. By not loving yourself on a deep and authentic level, you are not treating yourself well. By not treating yourself well, you (intentionally or not) show people how to not treat you well. You ask the love of them that you refuse to give yourself. 

You know the sting of this approach.

Instead start with self-love. Self love is not selfish. Give yourself unconditional self love. No one is more deserving.

You might have learned not to remember your self love but you can't extinguish it. It burns forever in you. Close your eyes and remember the tiny spark of unconditional love deep within you now. It may be flickering or sputtering or it may be full on blasting. 

Find it. Feed it. Fuel it. 

Give yourself compassion and healthy self care. Stop with your judgmental self talk. Start treating yourself as you would your best friend or your family or your pet. 

You are anything but sad or powerless or separate when you nurture your inner wisdom and unconditional love. Fan the flame of love inside of your heart. Remember that the only time you are separate is when you believe it. 

It is time to release toxic myths and embrace new love. Of course it starts with you. You are loved and complete. Now.