I Can't Wait Until He Calls Me

I went to a speed networking event a while ago. You know, like speed dating only for businesses. You sit across a table from somebody for 3 minutes. For the first half of the time you tell them about your business and the last minute and a half they tell you about their business. You exchange business cards. Then the people on one side of the table move one chair over to talk to the next person until you have talked with at least 25 people and your voice gives out.

Funny thing is, the most profound connection I made that morning was with a business owner I didn’t speed network with. I met a guy we’ll call Ray. Ray and I started chatting before the chaos of official speed networking began. Ray is a friendly giant of a guy with 2 cell phones he uses for business. He comes across as laid back and business confident.

When Ray found out I am a love coach, his mood instantly changed from friendly to frozen deer in the headlights. I asked him what was wrong. He then lowered his head and whispered that he is divorced, has been for about 6 years, has custody of their 3 kids, works 24/7 and his ex-wife left him because she felt neglected.

He told me he neglected her and he feels awful about it.

I listened and nodded. Then he thought for a minute, leaned toward me as cast his eyes downward and said, “Do you think there is a person out there that can love me?’

I thought for just a minute and told him unequivocally yes. His eyes said he didn’t believe me and I asked him why. He told me that he doesn’t have the time for a relationship as his last one proved.

I know different. Ray is looking for genuine love outside of himself when he has had it inside all along. He has become skilled at pushing what he wants to the back burner. He is stuck in a self-sacrificing loop that is familiar even if it is painful.

Ray uses his ex-wife’s arguments and words to convince himself he is better off without love.  Ray has chosen not to love. But some little spark of love lives inside him or he wouldn’t have asked me if there is someone that can love him. Then he asked me again and I love openings like that so, I told him, “No, there isn’t one person out there that can love you. There are about 1,000.”

He laughed. I laughed and then the serious speed networking started. We didn’t talk again until we were on our way out the doors to the parking lot. He asked me if I was sure he could have a loving relationship. I told him yes and the best place to start is with himself.

I can’t wait until he calls me.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s. – What have you been telling yourself? What are you not giving yourself permission to do? If  are ready for new results and you want to create new love in a new way, I am only a phone call away. 

photo credit: Jason Economides