You Are Enough Already

Idiot, Ugly, Not (skinny, young, pretty, rich, funny, cool, etc.) enough

We weren’t born being rough on ourselves. We learned it. Yep. Many of us have been socially conditioned by well-meaning friends, family and teachers to criticize ourselves. To punish our self for not being perfect.

Why?

It seems at one point, society’s wisdom was if we belittled ourselves, we kept ourselves meek and manageable. Being hard on oneself kept us humble. Many people judged themselves and each other. That’s where we were on our collective path.

Some people still are.

We were taught to be fabulous little people pleasers and harshly judge ourselves and unfortunately, became quite good at both.  We brought the harsh talk inside our young and tender minds and hearts. Never to look back.

Until now.

Now we can begin to make changes. Awareness opens doors. With awareness comes chosen new action.

Like the leopard lying in the tall grass, once we become aware of negative self-talk, it’s easy to spot. It’s critical for the sake of being critical. It is uncomfortable and painful. We know it all too well.

Here’s the good news!

If our self-talk is harsh, judgmental, or hurtful, it is not ours! It is not our authentic voice. Someone taught us to criticize our self and we have internalized that behavior and/or voice. (Blame is not important or productive here or anywhere else.) Although it may sound like us, that voice is not our authentic, self-loving powerful voice.

Now that we are aware of this nasty little habit, what can we do about it?

Choose new action and release it. Help it go. Pack it’s bags and bid it farewell for good so that we can be more of the empowered magnificent light and loving people we naturally are.

How do we release judgmental self-talk?

Consider these 2 simple steps:

1.       Recognize when we are doing it. Notice when the pattern pops into our thoughts. Are there certain times we are more likely to denigrate ourselves? Do we do it in response to certain emotions like: shame, guilt, embarrassment?

This awareness of when we do it is a tipping point.

2.       Next, interrupt the pattern when we become aware we are doing it and ask questions: Why am I doing this to myself? What purpose does this serve? Can I shift to being kinder to myself in this moment?

As we slow the freight train of negative self-talk down, we give our self a break from the unnecessary and unhelpful criticism. Let go of the unhealthy judgment. Return to feeling centered.

Now I ask:

Would we talk to a loved one like this? (I hope not, or we are perpetuating the negative self-talk cycle.)  If the answer is no, we begin to unlearn talking to ourselves in damaging ways.

If we want to go one step further (and I know WE do!) replace our negative self-talk with a compliment, a positive affirmation or something we genuinely like and/or love about ourselves.

What a challenge, right?

Negative self-talk won’t go away overnight because many of us have been running this toxic social conditioning for years. It is important that we remember to be kind and gentle with ourselves until it becomes a habit. With patience, awareness and consistent practice, we can be well on our way to treating ourselves as we want to be treated, as the beautiful hearts we are.

Since the way we treat our self is usually the way we treat everyone, everyone grows!!

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- If you want more info on me along with love videos, quotes, and my blog notes- check out my FB business page here: https://www.facebook.com/RisaKelley/

p.s.s. – Loveologists is a safe, judgment free zone to shift to more unconditional love with fun friends. Check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1503456919702692/

Photo by Mickael Gresset on Unsplash