You Know Scrolling

Yes. Maybe. Please no.

Scrolling through you might have noticed or felt a little fakery, deceit, manipulation or confusion. Or a complete turn off.

Who loves online dating sites?

Yet, you search them. Why? What is going on?

Hope is ongoing. Up to a point, your hope outweighs your distrust.

The hope that you will find someone who gets you. Someone who understands and wants to hold you. Someone who will be there for you through joy and sorrow. Someone who will complete you.

Someone “perfect”.

There is someone perfect for you. It is you. Yes, you absolutely deserve love, companionship, incredible sex and laughter. Provide all of them for yourself first before you ask another person to do it for you.

This is great self-love.

This is taking responsibility and owning your emotions to give yourself what you seek in others. Don’t expect another to give you what you can’t give yourself: emotional clarity, connection or money.

Switch it up. Have fun being your own best friend and give yourself what you have been taught to look for in other people, places and things.

From this loving and centered mind set you can then decide if you want to be in a relationship. If you want to share your open heart with another person or not. No judgment. What you decide is best for you. What you seek outside yourself, you have inside yourself now. You have your answers.

If you do decide to consciously create a new relationship, you do it from love centered empowerment, not needy desperation. You give yourself permission to be your loving self from the start. This eliminates the need to people please and allows you to present yourself in all your magnificence in the beginning. Natural confidence from the get go. When you begin any relationship in honesty you hold space for the other person to do the same.

If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got. Get uncomfortable. Try next. Do new.

How you do it is up to you and your creativity. Dating sites? Face to face conversations? New activities/clubs? With a little support and help from me, your loveologist?

Take new love avenues. Enjoy new love approaches. With or without scrolling online dating sites, you are well on your way to new love results.

Love On.

p.s. -  Get in touch with me at: https://m.me/RisaKelley

Photo by Rohit Tandon on Unsplash

You've Been Misled

Do you ever feel slightly off when you try to make everyone else happy before yourself? When you offer your help to other people and they barely notice?  When you run out of steam and time before you get to do what you would like to do?

That’s people pleasing for you.  It drains and disappoints. People pleasing will never, ever fill you up. Not from the outside in, no and no.

Might you also have learned that self-care is selfish?  If so, gentle one, you have been misled. Putting everybody else before you help yourself is a path to feeling bone tired exhaustion. Resentment. Confusion.

Change it up, flip those old mindsets and start caring for yourself in a profound way. You are going to be with yourself for the rest of your life, so why not enjoy it? You are your best friend forever, it’s time you act like it.

Self-care is generous, kind and restorative.  Self-care is anything but selfish if it helps you feel recharged and ready to face a new day. Self-care that allows you to interact and assist from high energy is a gift to you and anyone you meet. Self-care naturally radiates out from you to other people with ease and in abundance.

Begin to honor your own inner magnificence with my simple SEEDS:

·         S     Sleep – get plenty of it

·         E     Eat – several small healthy meals and drink abundant water

·         E     Exercise -  get moving to move and release your emotions

·         D     Do – something that helps you feel productive

·         S      See – your connection to everything (your life energy connects you to all energy)

Do you, your way. Go to what you love to do. Connect with what ticks your energy up and helps you feel alive and engaged. Remember what gives you the tingles and makes you laugh.

Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself.

Start small and ease into treating yourself well. Take good care of yourself to connect with your genuine happiness and joy. Joy is your birthright and a sure pathway to more joy. Go for your joy and share it.

Share you instead of what you think other people want.

Love On.

p.s. -  Get in touch with me at: https://m.me/RisaKelley

Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

New Love Trigger

Red hearts.

Cute red hearts, sloppy red hearts, sloshy red hearts, romantic red hearts, modern red hearts, sexy red hearts, obligatory red hearts, sappy red hearts, romantic red hearts, love filled red hearts - they’re everywhere.

Red heart riot!

On cards. On socks. On Candy. On underwear. On stuffed animals. Red hearts dance their way through texts, posts and in letters.

Red hearts of all shapes, sizes, and shades have once again returned to stores in anticipation of valentine’s day. Yep. They line the card shelves waiting to be purchased and given. They await the meaning you give to them.

Red hearts are symbols. Symbols trigger feelings inside. They evoke the whole spectrum of emotion from cold loneliness to warm unconditional love.

Yep, I get it that some of us never want to see a red heart again. I honor that feeling. We have been hurt and red hearts and other symbols of love remind of us deep soul crushing pain. Whether the hurt is old and musty or very raw and new, symbols of love can call up the feeling of separation and loneliness.

Any feelings about love and red hearts are valid.

If red hearts trigger sadness inside for you, I am asking you to reconsider and remember. Remember love comes in all colors, flavors and depths. There are as many types of love as there are different snowflakes. Find a love that warms you and has nothing to do with other people.

Shift to your inner love consciousness.

Dig deep inside of yourself and remember the love that connects you with the energy of all that is. Reunite with your internal love and light. Revisit and refresh the magnificence and light that you are. Nobody on the planet has your combination of experiences, gifts, love and light.

Unconditional love is an amazing, brilliant, sparkling, moving light. It flickers, follows, forms and befriends. It heals, mends and connects us. It is in everything. It infuses and includes.

You have this light. You are lovable, loved and loving as you are in this present moment. Now. Can you shift and remember to shine/share your love light?

Love light can’t be bought or sold. It can’t be captured, bottled or printed in a card. It is forever changing and free. Until we learn how to share and represent this infinite light and unconditional love on everything from socks to sonnets, I guess red hearts will have to do. Red hearts are okay, for now.

Here’s to your own gorgeous glimmer of love and light.

Love On.

 p.s. -want to get in touch? message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley

Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash

Is It Your Turn Yet?

Around midnight as the calendar silently flips from this year to next. . .

Something remarkable is happening.

You are becoming more of who you are. You are growing into more of you. Being you is the privilege of your lifetime.

Yes, YOU.

You have work to do. Choices to make. Mountains to climb.

But not the kind of mountains you might have been taught about.

Not the majestic mountains outside in glorious nature - you want the peaks inside. The mountains you seek are in your internal universe. In your body, mind and heart. Much will be required of you on this inner journey. Are you up to the task?

There will be laughter and tears on your journey; gems and dirt. There will be unimaginable joy and sorrow. You will persevere.

Begin to enjoy your deep authentic self-love. No faking allowed!

Your journey will require that you act. You must be a doer with dreams.

Or you can go on with what you are working on now.

Are you still up for 2018?

Good. I believe in you.

It is time for you to unlearn what hurts. What keeps you down and helps you forget who you are at your core – magnificent. It is time to step away from what holds you back and glide gracefully into what empowers you.

It’s time to fly.

Be bold, be brave and be on the lookout for bright spots as 2018 arrives. Now is your time. This is the place.

What will remarkable you share?

Love On.

p.s. - message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley  

Photo by Redd Angelo on Unsplash

Forget the Resolutions

End of year.

So long 2017, hello 2018.

Out with the old, in with what’s new and next.

80% of New Year’s Resolutions don’t work.

Why? Because if you knew how to change what isn’t working for you now – you would have already done it!  Putting a January deadline on what you want to change doesn’t work, it is a recipe for guilting yourself. Guilting yourself is not good self-care.

Stop!!

If you want real change that lasts, start inside.

Yes, in your internal universe. Be kind to yourself. Just like when you clean and tackle a packed closet, clear your internal space for new and next. Mindfully get rid of what doesn’t serve you anymore. You know what it is, let go and release what weighs your down.

Then have a blast visualizing and imagining what you do want for yourself. Be bold. Be innovative. Use your inner spaciousness to relax and get clear on what you want for yourself. Create a plan that excites you, that you feel great about and that inspires you deeply.

And, oh yeah – don’t go it alone, ask for help if you want new effective results. Flip the old tired script that tells you that you are strong if you muscle through it alone. When you are the strong silent type nothing changes.

With your new spaciousness and clarity, seek help, assistance, collaboration, feedback and connection that feels good to you. Use your momentum to take more actions. And more actions. Enjoy the new interactions and fresh relationships you create.

Go ahead, turn the page on the calendar this year without guilt.  Your new open mindsets await you and they have nothing to do with worn out resolutions. It’s about new strategies, actions and relationships, it’s about you. Hello 2018.

Love On.

p.s. - Get in Touch with me!! This time of year is stressful for a lot of us. If you are challenged by the holidays and expectations, I have lots of free stuff to help or you can leave me a message here and I will be in touch as soon as possible: https://m.me/RisaKelley

Photo by João Victor Xavier on Unsplash

Your Love Light and Love Shadow

I’m not blogging today. Nope.

You are. Yep.

Do you have any burning relationship questions or concerns? What’s on your mind?

Tell me what’s your biggest relationship fear, concern or gratitude?

What terrifies you? What keeps you up at night? Or What do you want to change?

On the flip side-

What inspires you? What lights you up? Or What do you want to share of yourself?

Tell us.

Love On.

Photo by Eike Klingspohn on Unsplash

Sadness Takes Flight

You've been there and I've been there. I hope you're not there now.

The depths of sadness.

The depths of sadness for me was when I didn't want to move and getting up seemed impossible. Everything inside of me and outside hurt. My dreams were confused and upset. Queasy. What I used to do easily now seemed monumental.

Keeping it together was exhausting. I wondered if anything was worth it; if anything was worth this much emotional pain. Alone, abandoned and adrift, pain was my companion and focus. 

I won't tell you what's going on in your thoughts, I couldn't possibly know.

I will tell you that on top of my sadness what really hurt me was thinking that I was separate from everybody and everything. I felt cut off from life, love and connection. Separate.

LONELY

And the really weird thing is I believed it. With every fiber in my being. I was certain. And that hurt. Beyond words.

I wanted someone to tell me I wasn't alone. I wanted someone else to want to take my pain away. I needed to hear that I was loved and worth it and amazing. I craved outside validation.

Outside validation didn't arrive for me.

NOW I'M GLAD.

Outside validation would have been a flimsy band aid until the next time I felt someone let me down or I felt used or broken or sad. I always needed something outside of myself to help me feel better.

And that is my job. My responsibility. My honor and my ability. My power.

When I began to look inside myself for what I hoped was outside, everything shifted. 360 degrees. I learned to own my feelings. I learned to purge what hurt and keep what felt fabulous. Good-bye self criticism, good-bye comparing myself to other and people, people-pleasing. Good-bye self judgment and overwhelming self doubt. 

So long and farewell to thoughts that hurt. Hello thoughts that feel more loving. Loving for me from me.

Little by little I began to feel better. I learned to I self-soothe and center myself in unconditional self love. I didn't have to try or force or push. Ease embrace me.

As I treat myself well, I also model for other people how to treat me well. To love me from a whole and healthy intention, not needy desperation. Not for completion.

By taking responsibility for my feelings, action and love, I am empowered to choose my relationships with and from a genuine love within. 

I can not feel fulfilled through outside sources: other people, shopping, alcohol, drugs, money, or appearances. As I learn to I accept myself, I am the only one who can accept or reject myself on a profound and deep level.

With my foundation of authentic self love, I then choose who I want to be with and around. I am not incomplete or looking for my other half. I maintain my relationship with myself through self-love and that big, bright, beautiful energy naturally radiates to everyone. I create new relationships with a combined fresh love energy.

The world shifts with more allowing, acceptance and love for our selves and the oneness we all are.

Including you. If you don't have a strong self love for yourself now, learn gently to shift to it. Nobody deserves unconditional self love more than you do and we all shift to more love as each one of us feels better inside.

I would tell you are amazing and loving but it won't mean as much as when you genuinely feel it inside.

Love On.

for my check out my free membership site, The Love Lounge at:

https://optimizedrelationships.com/lovelounge

Photo by Tina Hartung on Unsplash