You know the drill all too well. Many single people want to be in love relationships. Many people in love relationships want to be single.
Unless you are a 100% happy with your relationships, you want what you
don’t have, right?
You might search for true love outside of yourself. You might look to
other people to figure out why you don’t have it. What they have may seem like what you want. At
first.
But, can you ever know exactly what someone else’s relationship is like?
Probably not. Only the people in the relationship know the layers and sublayers
of what is going on. They may tell you what’s going on in their relationship
but that isn’t the same as being in that relationship.
You have been taught to look outside yourself for love. So, you look at
other people’s relationships or lack of relationships and compare yourselves with
them. It’s human nature I guess but it’s also a blueprint for unhappiness.
Comparing your insides to anybody else’s outsides is unfair to you. You can’t
possibly know what they are experiencing inside. The outside appearance doesn’t
begin to give you an accurate picture of what is going in relationships.
If you must look at other people’s relationships, don’t compare
yourself to them. Relationships are fluid and may be great and connective one
day and totally fucked up the next. Plus, many of us have been miseducated
about love with toxic ideas that encourage painful interactions.
It’s not love that stinks, it’s the old approach to relationships that
does. It’s amazing any relationships work at all.
To begin to shift out of comparison into contentment, set aside quiet
time to really define and clarify what feels good to you. Close your eyes and
breathe. Or journal out your thoughts and feelings. Become aware of what feels
right to you. Not to anybody else. Use your alone time to consciously connect
with your love inside. It is there. Use it to create the love relationships you
want or use your love fully embrace being happily single.
Give yourself permission to be authentically you. You get to create
love your way!
Nurture your internal love to allow yourself to be happy no matter what
is going on in your outside environment. Encourage yourself to connect with
more love and joy no matter the circumstances. Consciously center yourself in
love. You cannot fill up or bring enough of anything outside yourself to feel
genuinely and lastingly fulfilled. There
is not enough food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, video games, porn, fast
cars, achievements, impressive houses or other people to fill you from the
outside in.
Fill up from the inside.
Start with self-love and good self-care. Calibrate your sleep,
nutrition, exercise, connections and contribution so that you feel well. Help
yourself grow with love.
Learn to stop allowing external events and the people in them to influence
your contentment. Empower yourself to live the life you want with self-love. Genuine
love, peace of mind and fulfillment are sourced deep within you and when you remember
them, you have an infinite supply to enjoy.
Look inside to see where the grass is greenest. Nurture and take
responsibility for you. What you do with
your love is up to you.
Love On,
Risa
p.s. - Don’t go it alone! Ask for and accept help from
others. Get my strategies or schedule a time to talk with me that works for you
here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching
Photo by Rémi Walle on Unsplash
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