New Year's Eve at Midnight

Got plans?

Do they make your scalp tingle?

Ready for new and next?

My purpose, passion and privilege are to help you enjoy more Big Love

I have much to share with you

Are your ears, heart and mind open?

Good

The uncomfortable news about love first:

We have been lied to and misled

We have been socially conditioned to believe in magic pills, mind games and a love lottery mentality

We have been taught to search for someone to rescue us and know us better than we know ourselves

We have learned to compare ourselves to others and other relationships

We have learned to focus on what we don’t have in our relationships

These social myths have broken hearts, ravaged relationships and set us up for big pain

Enough

It’s for the heartache to stop with new mindsets, approaches and actions to help us enjoy more love today

Begin here

Many of us have challenges is three major areas of our lives:

Health

Finances

Relationships

We may want to make major overhauls or tiny tweaks in one or more of these areas. We have issues in different areas at different times. Or a combo of areas all at once

We change every day. Change is constant. Except when we want new results and we don’t know how to get them

Stuck sucks

One small action can change everything:  

Summoning the courage to ask for help

Reaching out and not going it alone

Small and significant because asking for help sets our new path in motion

Especially in our love relationships

Are you with me? I am a Love Coach, Love Elder and Love Activator

I help people who are beyond fed up with wanting to change and don’t know how

I help open-minded and open-hearted people (if you are closed minded or closed hearted you will have to free yourself from those choices before we can work together) enjoy more love

I help people who measure in lack shift to thriving in abundant love

How?

It is different for everyone and yet the same. We work together:

I have practical new ideas, exercises and accountability to help you connect with and activate more unconditional love now

and

I help you remember and live into your possibilities and potential instead of your limitations

These 2 shifts improve all your relationships

Think there is something wrong with you? Or that you are beyond help?

No one is beyond help because no one is beyond love. (sending you a hug here!)

I help people remember who they have been told they are not

Loving, loved and loveable

I challenge you to reconnect with your natural abilities and strengths to empower yourself to create the love that deep down you know you deserve

My part is minor

Your part is great

And yet we need each other

The beginning of a beautiful relationship

A new outlook

A fresh start

Now

Don’t wait until the New Year when everyone has resolved in tired old ways to change

Ask for help when you are ready

And you will be well on your way to more of the love you dream of

When the clock strikes midnight

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- When you feel like sharing, let me know your thoughts, insights, experiences by scheduling a time to talk with me that works for you. Ready for new? Click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

p.s.s. – There are no love lottery winners and losers. We all are love.

Photo by henry fournier on Unsplash

Don't Let This F Word Destroy Your Relationship

Which F-word?

Future.

It usually happens when we are sitting and overthinking.

We time travel in our thoughts. Time traveling to the past or future can produce worry and anxiety.

Time traveling to the future gives many of us anxiety because our mind is processing a situation our body can do nothing about.  We are out of alignment and it leaves us feeling powerless.

Feeling powerless sucks so we attempt to gain control of the future to soothe ourselves with any amount of certainty.

And then it gets ugly. Really ugly. Especially in romantic relationships:

A Familiar Love Relationship Scenario - We feel good about our relationship. We are in a love relationship and we want it to continue. We want security. And after finding out that our partner is not as ready to pin down the future as we are, we might beg, whine or manipulate them into begrudgingly giving us a promise or assurances about where our precious relationship is headed.*

Yuck.

Best case scenario we get false security, our partner responds with “maybe someday”. Less than certainty to be sure.

Not what we wanted.

Worst case scenario we get abandoned.

Definitely - not what we wanted.

It’s an age-old relationship tug of war. It is as predictable as it is common.

So, what do we do to stop this painful cycle?

Get back in our power. Reconnect with what we can control and that is ourselves. Learn from our emotions and our actions.

How do we do it?

By connecting with the light and love living in our hearts. By remembering we are never powerless. By remembering the love we are inside instead of seeing only another person as our way to bring love in.

By not giving someone else the responsibility of caring for our emotions.

Our emotions are valuable guides to help us align with more of who we are at the core.

Simple Emotional GPS:

If what we are doing isn’t feeling great, we are not close to aligning with our higher self.

If what we are doing is joyful, we are aligning with the magnificence of who we are.

When we become aware of our emotions, we can us them to help ourselves feel better. We can shift out of the old ruts, routines, expectations and attachments and live in more happiness.  More in the present moment. Where all our power is.

Both partners. Each responsible for their own emotions, actions and happiness.

Can you imagine the relationship we can create from this love centered in the present?

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- When you feel like sharing, let me know your thoughts, insights, experiences by scheduling a time to talk that works for you. Click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

*(I admit I did this, and it failed miserably. Then I asked my boyfriend to marry me. And he said yes, but that’s a different blog.)

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Start Loving

More than you already do.

Why Wait?

Wait to find love?

We are love

Our purpose is to love as much as we can as often as we can

From this elevated energy we clarify our contribution

Why wait for someone to love us?

That is our job

To love ourselves first and the infinite love we have inside

Self-love is empowered love intentions that are naturally connective and attractive

Why wait for the perfect time to love?

Someday never arrives

The present moment is where our active power is

Why wait until we are ready for love?

We are born in love

Remembering and refreshing our love inside gives us momentum for action

Why wait for loving healing, closure or an apology?

Depending on other people or outside situations for our inner fulfillment and happiness is painful

We take responsibility for our emotions and actions

We can not expect anyone to love us more than we love ourselves

Why wait any longer to help ourselves feel better fast?

Closure is acceptance

We give it to ourselves

Life and love are inside jobs

Do our deep inner work

Accept what happened, help ourselves heal and then move the hell on

Why wait to be lovingly rescued?

Sometimes we wait for the perfect combination of outside experiences for happiness

If this, then that

Instead, connect with our inner resources and create more loving joy now

We are our rescuers

Instead of waiting

We

Allow, accept and be grateful for our experiences as loving learning

Center our thoughts in unconditional love and share it

Remember and receive the love that we are

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- My face book group: Loveologists is a safe, judgment free zone to shift to more unconditional love with fun friends. Check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1503456919702692/

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Self Care Shame

Refuse it

Self-care is a subtle reframe

It refreshes and recharges us

Helps us remember who we really are at our loving core

Self-care is anything but selfish

A massage

Hobbies

Reading a fantastic book or binge watching a tv series

A quick run in the park

Getting eyelash extensions

Enjoying wonderful food and drink

Spending 10 minutes in quiet time to listen to our inner wisdom

Dancing alone to a favorite song

Giving ourselves a break from heart crushing negativity or criticism

Nurturing what makes us who we are

Self-care comes in all shapes, sizes, flavors, intensities and personal choices. It energizes us to our inner depths when we raise more energy than we started with. Self-care replenishes what nobody else can provide for us.

Self-Love

Genuine self-care is one of the few ways we give ourselves permission to treat ourselves as well as we treat others. To love ourselves up. To absorb and inhabit the kindnesses we usually give. To connect with our well-being.

Self-care feels deeply delicious, it is all feeling.

Feeling well

Feeling whole

Living large in our light for no other reason than we can

We feel self-care in the reaches of our inner universes

If we rationally analyze it and don’t feel it, it is pointless. We have missed an incredible opportunity to treat ourselves the way we want to be treated and to hold space for other people to treat us as lovingly

It’s all feels

Self-love and self-care are the opposites of self-judgment. Yet, you might be surprised at how many of us judge our own self-care.

Or do without.

Because someone shamed us when we thought to take care for ourselves at a healing level. Told us we were selfish. Judged us for wanting to fill up on fulfillment from the inside.

They don’t get it, but you do

Heart-felt self-care ripples and radiates out from our heart centers to everyone, everywhere. From authentic unconditional love creating an expansive, beautiful contagion

So long selfish

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- to unlearn judgment and for more self-love, schedule your FREE 30-minute Love Coaching Call with me at a time that works for you.  Click here to schedule your call: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

Photo by Michel Catalisano on Unsplash  

You Are Enough Already

Idiot, Ugly, Not (skinny, young, pretty, rich, funny, cool, etc.) enough

We weren’t born being rough on ourselves. We learned it. Yep. Many of us have been socially conditioned by well-meaning friends, family and teachers to criticize ourselves. To punish our self for not being perfect.

Why?

It seems at one point, society’s wisdom was if we belittled ourselves, we kept ourselves meek and manageable. Being hard on oneself kept us humble. Many people judged themselves and each other. That’s where we were on our collective path.

Some people still are.

We were taught to be fabulous little people pleasers and harshly judge ourselves and unfortunately, became quite good at both.  We brought the harsh talk inside our young and tender minds and hearts. Never to look back.

Until now.

Now we can begin to make changes. Awareness opens doors. With awareness comes chosen new action.

Like the leopard lying in the tall grass, once we become aware of negative self-talk, it’s easy to spot. It’s critical for the sake of being critical. It is uncomfortable and painful. We know it all too well.

Here’s the good news!

If our self-talk is harsh, judgmental, or hurtful, it is not ours! It is not our authentic voice. Someone taught us to criticize our self and we have internalized that behavior and/or voice. (Blame is not important or productive here or anywhere else.) Although it may sound like us, that voice is not our authentic, self-loving powerful voice.

Now that we are aware of this nasty little habit, what can we do about it?

Choose new action and release it. Help it go. Pack it’s bags and bid it farewell for good so that we can be more of the empowered magnificent light and loving people we naturally are.

How do we release judgmental self-talk?

Consider these 2 simple steps:

1.       Recognize when we are doing it. Notice when the pattern pops into our thoughts. Are there certain times we are more likely to denigrate ourselves? Do we do it in response to certain emotions like: shame, guilt, embarrassment?

This awareness of when we do it is a tipping point.

2.       Next, interrupt the pattern when we become aware we are doing it and ask questions: Why am I doing this to myself? What purpose does this serve? Can I shift to being kinder to myself in this moment?

As we slow the freight train of negative self-talk down, we give our self a break from the unnecessary and unhelpful criticism. Let go of the unhealthy judgment. Return to feeling centered.

Now I ask:

Would we talk to a loved one like this? (I hope not, or we are perpetuating the negative self-talk cycle.)  If the answer is no, we begin to unlearn talking to ourselves in damaging ways.

If we want to go one step further (and I know WE do!) replace our negative self-talk with a compliment, a positive affirmation or something we genuinely like and/or love about ourselves.

What a challenge, right?

Negative self-talk won’t go away overnight because many of us have been running this toxic social conditioning for years. It is important that we remember to be kind and gentle with ourselves until it becomes a habit. With patience, awareness and consistent practice, we can be well on our way to treating ourselves as we want to be treated, as the beautiful hearts we are.

Since the way we treat our self is usually the way we treat everyone, everyone grows!!

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- If you want more info on me along with love videos, quotes, and my blog notes- check out my FB business page here: https://www.facebook.com/RisaKelley/

p.s.s. – Loveologists is a safe, judgment free zone to shift to more unconditional love with fun friends. Check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1503456919702692/

Photo by Mickael Gresset on Unsplash  

Much More Love For You

Have you eased up yet?

On yourself first?

Then on everyone else?

Are you focused on what you don’t have?

Know it all too well?

Do you feel the shadow of an itchy little nudge from inside that tells you something isn’t right?

That there’s so much more for you?

What do you do when you feel it?

What action do you take?

You would try something new if you just knew HOW?

Can you measure in real love?

True gratitude?

Do you feel deep gratitude?

Or do you think it?

Big difference between thinking and feeling.

Do you spin in a mental rut day after day and wonder why you can’t think your way out of this?

Are you dog tired of dead-end thoughts?

If so, you may be thinking and overthinking

I call it the spin cycle.

I know

I did it

Sometimes still do

Until I remember there is another way.

A way out of the spin cycle is through your feelings

Feeling your way to what feels better.

It is a challenge

To drop from your mind

Down into your heart and

Allow it to guide you

To trust again

I know, I know

You’ve been hurt before when you trusted your heart

Deeply

You never want to taste that pain again

I get it

But what if

On the other side of your pain

Is as much, if not more

Joy?

What if you learn to empower yourself with your emotions?

Use them to help yourself feel better

Take responsibility for your love actions?

Try on a new love mindset

So, your life expands

You stop spinning

And don’t feel needy

Or lonely

Or judged

You feel loveable, loving and loved

Your Love

Your Relationships

Your Connections become

Real and inspiring

This is the core you

You are not separate from your emotions or your love

They are here for you to learn more about yourself

Inside your heart

And enjoy life

Your emotions and their information lead you to more of what you seek

Inside yourself first

Then with everyone.

When you are ready to learn a whole new way of love,

I am here to help you

Are you ready?

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- If you want more info on me along with love videos, quotes, and my blog notes- check out my FB business page here: https://www.facebook.com/RisaKelley/

p.s.s. – message me here:  https://m.me/RisaKelley?ref=LetsChat

Photo by Chris Arock on Unsplash

From Love Spark to Illumination

To begin to connect with more love and open more of your heart space, try this visualization when you have quiet time with no distractions

Close your eyes

Notice your breath

Breathe softly

Gently

Feel yourself begin to settle

Unwind

Notice any tension slip away

Melt

Focus in this now moment

You are safe, you are supported, you are cherished and honored

You are love

Focus on your heart center

Feel the bliss of gently connecting and reconnecting with your heart

Home

Inhabit and soften your heart even more

Help your heart release and relax

As you help your heart open, focus on the center of your heart

Do you see it?

At the very center, a small spark appears

It is all the colors of the rainbow and it is unbelievably beautiful as it dances

Flickers

Grow this spark

Bring it closer

Make it bigger

Use your breath to fan this curling spark into a flame

Go deeper

Help the flame sweep into fire

Fire gaze

Open the gate of your intuition

Inner wisdom

Grow it bigger than your body

Feel your heart beat

Watch the fire in your open heart until it explodes into light

See your light shower into all light

Know you are safe, supported, cherished and honored

Guide your light energy to enter every cell in your body

Absorb the energy from the light in your heart

Bathe in it

Now send it out in the world

Share your light

How far does it reach?

Go beyond that to share your light

With all

See your light merge with infinite light

Then remember

You have a well of love and light within your body

Infinite and inexhaustible

You are never alone

You are love

You are light

There is no separation

By breath, heartbeat and energy

All is one

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- If you want more info on me along with love videos, quotes, and my blog notes- check out my FB business page here: https://www.facebook.com/RisaKelley/

p.s.s. – message me here:  https://m.me/RisaKelley?ref=LetsChat

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash