Layers in Love

What Do You Call It? The feeling of being alive?

Your pulse, your heartbeat, your breath, living energy, chi, prana, ki, divine spark, god presence, life force?

Do you consciously feel it? What do you call the energy inside of you that connects you to all energy everywhere?

I call it big love. Unconditional love is big love. It is inclusive, non-judgmental, nonreligious and cohesive. I speak big love out into the world.

It doesn’t matter what you call unconditional love as much as that you feel it in your core. It matters that you set aside time in your busy life to get still and listen to it. It matters that you feel it’s presence and not just think of it’s presence. It matters that you know it lives within you. It matters that you have always had, have now and always will have this love power within.

It matters that you gift yourself with it.

It matters that you are big love expressing as yourself and big love expresses itself through you. It matters that we come from big love and we return to big love.

It matters that it blows away feelings/thoughts of separation. It matters that you know you are not alone.

It matters that you close your eyes and remember it. It matters that you connect with it on a deep level. It matters that you honor and nurture it. It matters that you embrace it to be genuinely confident and empowered.

It matters that you choose it. It matters that you can choose to add it to any situation and all your relationships to add more harmony. It matters that you get to go forward and use it to help create what you dream of.

Call it what feels right to you, remember it, connect with it, call on it. It matters.

Gaining clarity on your connection with and to this shared love energy is the first step to creating a life you love.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

I offer practical steps to help you add more big love to your life now.  Want to continue the conversation? Choose a time that works for you to talk with me here (it’s free by the way): https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

New Love, New Ways

It’s time for confetti and celebration! Have you heard? Lots of ideas about love relationships are changing. Maybe not as fast as some of us would like, but they are changing.

Where do you go to learn new relationship information and effective application? Right here of course! https://optimizedrelationships.com/win-the-love-game-module1-video

Here are a few old mindsets that are changing now:

·         That self-love is selfish. This single core belief keeps more people unhappily stuck than any other outdated love mindset. Authentic self-love is your portal to Big Love. Ask me how.

·         That there is a person somewhere that will complete or fix you. New love mindset: you are complete now and the only time you are broken is when you believe you are.

·         That you need someone to save you to make your life better. New love mindset: Nobody is going to save you but yourself and that is your challenge and reward. Stop waiting and start living.

·         That most men or most women act a certain way. Nope. Cookie cutter gender stereotypes are on their way out. There is a delicious mix now that frees us all up to learn more about our differences and similarities without the pain of judgment.

·         That you are destined to be alone. Bullshit! Use your freewill and new love information to embrace being happily single or create the relationships you dream of. You choose, choose love.

You have been taught and told that love is on the outside. Love begins inside your open heart and connects you with love everywhere. You are never alone. Stop waiting for “the one,” or your other half or the person who is going to make your life better! You are that person. Start helping yourself release what isn’t working and replace it with new love information and mindsets. Start today.

Here’s to your new love results.

Love On.

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s. – If you are ready for new results and you want to create new love in a new way, I am only a phone call away. Schedule a phone call with me at a time that works for you here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching 

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

I Can't Wait Until He Calls Me

I went to a speed networking event a while ago. You know, like speed dating only for businesses. You sit across a table from somebody for 3 minutes. For the first half of the time you tell them about your business and the last minute and a half they tell you about their business. You exchange business cards. Then the people on one side of the table move one chair over to talk to the next person until you have talked with at least 25 people and your voice gives out.

Funny thing is, the most profound connection I made that morning was with a business owner I didn’t speed network with. I met a guy we’ll call Ray. Ray and I started chatting before the chaos of official speed networking began. Ray is a friendly giant of a guy with 2 cell phones he uses for business. He comes across as laid back and business confident.

When Ray found out I am a love coach, his mood instantly changed from friendly to frozen deer in the headlights. I asked him what was wrong. He then lowered his head and whispered that he is divorced, has been for about 6 years, has custody of their 3 kids, works 24/7 and his ex-wife left him because she felt neglected.

He told me he neglected her and he feels awful about it.

I listened and nodded. Then he thought for a minute, leaned toward me as cast his eyes downward and said, “Do you think there is a person out there that can love me?’

I thought for just a minute and told him unequivocally yes. His eyes said he didn’t believe me and I asked him why. He told me that he doesn’t have the time for a relationship as his last one proved.

I know different. Ray is looking for genuine love outside of himself when he has had it inside all along. He has become skilled at pushing what he wants to the back burner. He is stuck in a self-sacrificing loop that is familiar even if it is painful.

Ray uses his ex-wife’s arguments and words to convince himself he is better off without love.  Ray has chosen not to love. But some little spark of love lives inside him or he wouldn’t have asked me if there is someone that can love him. Then he asked me again and I love openings like that so, I told him, “No, there isn’t one person out there that can love you. There are about 1,000.”

He laughed. I laughed and then the serious speed networking started. We didn’t talk again until we were on our way out the doors to the parking lot. He asked me if I was sure he could have a loving relationship. I told him yes and the best place to start is with himself.

I can’t wait until he calls me.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s. – What have you been telling yourself? What are you not giving yourself permission to do? If  are ready for new results and you want to create new love in a new way, I am only a phone call away. 

photo credit: Jason Economides

Waiting for Love? Help Is On The Way!

Allow yourself to gently breathe and become quiet. Close your eyes and focus on your internal universe.  Open space in your mind and heart for new.

In this relaxed state, I have a question for you.

Do you know anyone that has won the waiting game? Do you know someone who has waited long enough to get what they want without action? And then enjoy it?

With their health? With their relationships? With their finances?

Especially in love relationships. It seems so many people are waiting. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for someday. Waiting for “the one.” Waiting for their king or their queen. Waiting for him or for her to find me. Waiting for their other half. Waiting for the soulmate.

It’s understandable why people wait. We’ve been taught old approaches to love and relationships that don’t work well now. Old stuff like, your soul mate is searching for you like you are for her/him, so just be patient. Hmmm. Or, your queen/king is going to save you just by showing up in your life and your life will be perfect. Really? Sounds more like toxic conditioning to me. Or, do it the old way and find someone to support you financially and you both will live happily ever after. Oh boy.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t happen much more than it does happen. Not great odds for your love life.

Let’s think logistics. How exactly is a partner going to find you if you wait? Are they going to show up at work, at the gym, on your doorstep or in your bedroom? You’ve been led to hope to meet someone on line. You might and you might not but until then. . .

Waiting sucks.

Waiting is a conscious choice. Waiting is choosing to ignore your power and abilities and indulge in wishful thinking. You wait to meet someone that hasn’t shown up and wonder why you are discouraged.

Open-ended waiting is a slow torture.  Waiting is the opposite of living in full. Yet, lots of people wait for true love.

Or not.

What are you doing while you are waiting? Wishing? Hoping? Longing? How does that feel? If it doesn’t feel joyful, you are not aligning with who you are your powerful core.

Help yourself feel better. Begin to honor your authentic empowerment to connect with more love and joy.

Unlearn the waiting game.  You can do it. Step by step. Start living. Start connecting to people outside of your comfort zone.

Go to new. New shops, new restaurants, new clubs, new concerts, new parks, new locations, new music, new art, new interests that you have always wanted to do to but didn’t.

Start something scary and new. Feel your fear and do it anyway. Do it.

Reach out. Be the one to initiate eye contact and conversations, ask questions and take genuine interest in the people around you. Stop waiting.

Be friendly, open and interested in your life and other people’s lives.

Do what you love. Invest in yourself. Remember your hobbies or try new ones.

If you wait, if you do what you have been doing, you will get what you have been getting: more waiting. Stop believing in old fairy tales and take new action. Now.

When you are ready, the path to new love is here.  Schedule your FREE 30-minute Love Strategy Coaching Call with me here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching 

Love On,

Risa

Optimized Relationships

p.s. –   Tell me what you need from me to help you know if this is right for you. Message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley

Photo by Tim Zänkert on Unsplash

No To Relationship Limbo

You are not a stranger to love relationships or you wouldn't be reading this. You know both sides of love. You have enjoyed relationship contentment and suffered relationship conflict. You have been through beautiful highs, connection, fights, abandonment and the deep agony of having your heart broken. You have lived through the ups and downs and yet you might be willing to love again.  

But are you aware of relationship limbo? 

Painful past relationships lead people to settle for relationship limbo. People don’t consciously choose to put themselves in relationship limbo, it just happens. It seems safe, like dust. Relationship limbo is not wanting the conflict of being in a relationship yet hoping your love relationship or lack of love relationship will improve. It’s a sense of knowing not everything is right but not really knowing how to change it. It is endless waiting.

Relationship limbo is hoping your love relationship or lack of love relationship will improve on it's own. It’s wanting to do something about it but having no idea what to do. It’s the awful in between zone where you’re not totally happy and yet you’re not quite unhappy enough to take serious action.  It’s the middle of nowhere where nothing extremely painful happens but nothing extremely joyful happens either.

It’s boring when you want more love.

People in committed love relationships with loving partners experience relationship limbo. Single people who want to be in a love relationship and aren’t experience relationship limbo. Many of us experience relationship limbo at different times in our lives.

It’s difficult to get out of relationship limbo because the idea of changing seems scary or overwhelming or just too much damn work.

And you so you go on waiting in relationship limbo where you live stuck.

Why stay stuck and is there a way out?

Hope keeps you stuck. Hope keeps you exactly where you are. Hope of your ex coming back and loving you for all you are. Hope that your partner will see the amazing person you are and appreciate you for it. Hope that your magical soulmate you’ve heard so much about will swoop in carry you off the land of love.

Here's the big reason you stay stuck: your hope that your situation will change on its own.

Because you don’t know what else to do. You’ve tried everything you, your friends, family or experts have taught you. You are exhausted by and fed up with trying what doesn’t work. You may go as so far to think something is wrong with you or you are broken.

You are not broken. You don’t need to be fixed.

You need new information and a non-judgmental plan. You need new approaches and mindset shifts that really work and don’t leave you feeling beat up and down and out at the same time.

I know, I know you have been promised a lot of shit that didn’t work, right? I am here to change all that.

How?

The first step:

I want you to stop looking for love outside yourself for a little while. I want you to help yourself feel genuinely happy. I want you to love yourself first.

Yep. The key to the love kingdom starts with self-love first.

I know, I know. You have been taught, brainwashed and shamed into thinking self-love is selfish.

It’s not.

Self-love is the path to love that lasts. When you learn how to love your self on a deep level, you show other people how to love you. You love other people because you love yourself not because you want them to like you. People pleasing is gone forever.

Self-love is an amazing gift that keeps on giving.

Authentic self-love allows you to hold space for other people to love themselves. Imagine people that take full responsibility for their own emotions and actions. Imagine what happens when they want to create love relationships.

Next, we have a lot of people that choose to come together and create relationships because they choose love. Not because they need someone else to save them, financially support them, love them or make their life meaningful.

Bye-bye neediness and desperation.

Two people anchored in love can choose to combine their loves to create a third type of love that is different than each of their loves. They create a conscious dynamic new love energy. More love energy on the planet will help us shift out of fear.

Does this make sense? Are you feeling it’s possible?

If you are, it might be time for you to join my love tribe. A great place to start is with my face book group: Loveologists.  Loveologists is a non-judgmental, private, fun group to share what matters most to you about love and meet other loveologists. Click the link below to check out if Loveologists is a good fit for you: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1503456919702692/

Have you had enough of relationship limbo? Then, stop doing what you know doesn’t work. Try a new approach to having more fun, connection and love in your life now.  

When you are ready, love is here.

Love On,

Risa

Optimized Relationships

p.s. – If you want the fastest path to love that lasts, let’s talk. Schedule your FREE 30-minute strategy call with me here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching 

Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash

All is Not Lost

I notice a striking theme in my face book comments about love and relationships. Have you seen it too? Some people comment along the lines of: all the good men are gone, there are no women anymore for me, I suck at relationships, there is no hope, I’m too old for love or are you crazy! (usually a bit more profane, but you get the idea).

Wow! That is a whole lotta energy. Sorry/not sorry to lay it down here.

Let’s start with what all these comments have in common. They are limiting beliefs. Closed doors. Predicted outcomes. Blocked energy. Reasons not to try again.

And if you truly have given up, stop reading this. Go no further. Return to your life as you know it to be.

You might think I don’t understand. But I get it. Our experiences with love lead some of us to believe that we can predict the future. Our relationships and experiences have been beyond hurtful, soul crushing and shook us to our very core. Some folks have been so consistently disappointed in love that they want to write love off forever.

And guess what? They are 100% correct. Right as rain. Spot on and completely correct. Yep.

Until they decide differently.  Until they are ready to change. To try something new. Until they realize they have the power to make their relationships better. After they realize they are the only person standing in their own way. They have new choices.

Yep. All of us are responsible for our own life, choices and love.

I respect wanting to sit out of love relationships forever. Flying by the seat of our pants with the old love information we were taught, we were set up for buckets of pain. It is extremely hard to try again after getting your heart stomped on. I felt like that at times. I dated a serial killer. No joke. But that’s another story for another day.

Back to face book.

I like those face book comments because to me, they show hope. Why would somebody take the time and make the effort to type a comment if they had totally given up? Right?

That faint shimmer of hope lurking in those comments comes through loud and clear. Commenting is a way to share their disappointment in love and relationships. It shows me they have enough energy to care. They care and share! Sharing is loving. Caring is loving. Am I right?

So, to all you lovely commenters in face book land, thank you for your comments. Please know that you don’t have to look for love in the old ways anymore. It’s time to stop looking for love outside yourself. It’s time for the fast path to love that lasts -  and I can help you with that.

This is what I do. I help you create the relationships you dream of in new ways with new mindsets, strategy, accountability and support. And boy do I support you!!

A word of caution - you won’t get new love results doing the same old things you have been doing. It takes hard work, a commitment to yourself and a big heart. Which I know you have.

Here’s to the open doors, new possibilities and abundant love that is waiting for you.

When you are ready to take a small step toward a new love perspective, check out my free, safe, non-judgmental face book group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1503456919702692/   

Love On,

Risa

p.s. – if you want to sit on the sidelines of love, no judgment or pressure. We will be holding space for you if you decide you are ready. You are as worthy of love as anyone on the planet.

Photo by Sandro Schuh on Unsplash

Help Me Get My Ex Back

The first time I talk with Melissa she is tearful and her voice breaks. Melissa’s ex-boyfriend took out a restraining order against her. She tells me she is in love with him and she needs to get back together with him.

Tim’s girlfriend has cheated on him for the 10th time and he wants to “save the relationship.”

These are 2 past clients (their names have been changed) of mine that wanted to know how to get their ex partners back. There are many more who share this common desire of wanting to get back together. I have heard dozens of variations on the same theme of - I want to get back with my ex and I’ll do anything to achieve it. Getting back with my ex is the only thing that will make me happy, I can’t eat, sleep or be happy without them ever again. S/He is the only one I want.

Others ask me for a love spell. Or to reveal to them the 5 secret words that you can repeat to have your ex return to you and stay forever. Because they have been taught that there is a magic pill for everything, they want a quick fix. Instant gratification. They kick themselves thinking about what they did wrong and how if they could, they would go back in time and fix this.

Sound familiar?

When their friends, family and co-workers stop listening and their eyes glaze over as they repeat for the 100^th time their desires to get back with their ex, they call me.

No judgment, I understand. I understand that if things could just go back to the way they were, their love life would be perfect.

Only it wouldn’t.

It wouldn’t because they are miserable. They are crushed and hurt. And nobody can make it better except for them. Their ex isn’t responsible for their emotions, they are.

They aren’t close to being who they are at their core.  When they feel awful, they are far, far away from being their genuine self. They are upset and unhappy because they aren’t being loved for amazing person they are now.

So, they try to bring love in through the outside world and in through their ex.

They want to go back to a relationship that doesn’t serve them because it’s familiar. Humans don’t like change. They would usually rather deal with what they know than deal with the new and unknown. Unknown is scary.

Here’s the thing: there is growth in pain if they allow it. Pain is an opportunity to feel better. Releasing the pain makes them stronger. They can mindfully choose to get quiet and reflect. Go inside and really think about what happened and what the lesson is. They can use this information to go forward and begin to heal. Use it to help align more with their heart and the genuine core of their being.

They and you can learn to allow, embrace and release pain to free up space for something new in life. That’s where I come in. I help my clients learn to move on. A great place start is with my free first module of Win the Love Game – You Are the One. Click here to receive it now: https://optimizedrelationships.com/wtlg-freemodule1-v1

I offer everyone I work with understanding, support, accountability and strategy to create the relationships you dream of. Learn skills that will last a lifetime to help you feel better in all your love relationships. I help you align more with the amazing person you are inside and share it. 

Instead of searching for love on the outside. Or through your ex. Or in a pill, product or spell.

The love you seek is inside. You are strong. You have your answers. Work on yourself first and then your relationships ease into place.

Love On,

Risa

p.s.- See if the free content in the first section of my online course resonates with you. Click here:  https://optimizedrelationships.com/wtlg-freemodule1-v1

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash