It Was Clear She Couldn't Go On

“I have trust issues”

“Trust is a problem for me because my ex cheated on me”

“I want to learn to trust again but I don’t think I can”

I hear painful variations on trust repeatedly

Trust is beyond important

Healthy relationships don’t thrive without it

Yet we have a fucked-up view on it

Because we are taught from infancy to give our trust to others

We learn to trust others to fulfill our basic needs of food, shelter and safety and

This leads some of us to grow up and search outside ourselves for emotional or financial fulfillment too

As we age, we continue the pattern and look for people to trust with our emotions

Or we shut down

In hopes we will be okay

Only to realize that not all other people will care for and value our trust like we do

Setting ourselves up to feel gutted or numb

Because we are wired for survival, we focus on who we can’t trust

Breeze by who we can and

We trust only a few people or nobody at all

Open or closed heart

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

Is it time to change up these insane patterns?

How?

By nurturing the profound trust you have inside

You can trust yourself, right? Or learn to trust yourself?

You are the one person you can trust

You know you will take care of you

And that is healthy

Do not give the responsibility of your well being to other people

Who haven’t earned your trust

This is different than closing off your heart

This is doing your own deep self-work

To remember and nurture your own inner guidance

By plugging into your trust, self-love, forgiveness, self-confidence and empowerment

So that you may live into more of your unlimited potential with joy

And serve others

By holding the space for them to do the same

As you learn to re-remember the treasures you have inside instead of searching for them outside of yourself

In your love partner or in other people’s approval

You take responsibility for your own fulfillment and sovereignty

You empower your self to

Own your emotions, inner wisdom and actions

And remove this burden of outer fulfillment from yourself and your loved ones

Lifting a massive weight from many shoulders

To create

Relationships sourced not in neediness, but in light love

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- I have new information, exercises, visualizations and accountability for you if you want support with re-embracing your heart wisdom, message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley?ref=LetsChat or if you want to talk about it, get on the phone and schedule a free 30 minute call with me, click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

Photo by DJ Johnson on Unsplash

Mind Blown and Heart Broken

No matter where you have ventured or where you are now with love, please

Use your brilliant imagination to visualize

A brutal love paradigm

Where love is bartered

And sourced outside of ourselves

Where we need to bring love from the outside

Into our hearts

Through a significant partner or other people or food or alcohol or drugs or a million other “things”

That is the only way

To feel loved

It’s like having the wind beaten out of our lungs

Mind blown and heart broken

We learn this from society and from

Amazing people who were taught to survive and love

And somehow made it through this heart crushing maze

Of shame, guilt, anger, embarrassment and

Feeling separated from the love they craved

Over and over

Endlessly

The definition of loneliness

That brings us to our knees

In the darkest nights of our souls

Encourages us to judge ourselves

If we are not partnered up with our soul mate, significant other or loved one

Breathe deeply and leave this old trap behind

Thankfully

We are evolving out of this soul crushing mindset

And into

More love

Now

Ask me how

Now

Love On,

Risa Kelley

p.s.- I have plenty of new information, visualizations, exercise and accountability for your new love mindsets, schedule your FREE 30-minute Love Coaching Call with me at a time that works for you.  Click here to schedule your call: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching 

Photo by Joyce McCown on Unsplash

Your Heart Knows

I stream bright, rainbow colors of unconditional love to your heart as your read this. We are one. Happy February 14, 2019 to all that celebrate. Photo by Tyler Lastovich on Unsplash

So Caught Up In You

Where do you go for love and relationships help?

Google? Social media? Friends? Family members? “Experts”?

We are taught to disconnect from our inner voice and seek information outside of ourselves

No wonder so many of us feel lost, are wandering, want more

Are you ready to flip this painful script?

Try something fresh?

Good

I know you are

Let’s start inside

Schedule daily quiet time for yourself

In the quiet, you can hear

Your inner voice

Your intuition

That is your inner wisdom

It may seem new, frustrating or quiet but

Inside is a very good place to start

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you have

Because the way you think of and treat yourself is the way you think of and treat everyone else in your life

Loved ones, pets and higher powers included

The way you love yourself is the way you love other people and teach them how to love you

Important stuff

Self-love is where all your relationships start

I know, I know

You have been taught that loving yourself is

Big Selfish

Not Humble

That everyone else is worthy of your time and help before you are

That help is on the way

If you try hard enough

And give selflessly to other people

Someone will love you

Is it working?

Didn’t work for me

When you give your all to others

You have nothing left to give to yourself

You end up feeling exhausted, depleted, unappreciated and worst of all unloved

And still you soldier on

With hope in your heart and no way of knowing how to bring that outside love inside

So that day after day

You feel further away from what you already have inside

Big Love

Seems so messed up

Have you had enough of this?

Love yourself

First

Make peace with all your emotions

Remember the light and the love you hold that never went away

Feel them? Way down deep inside?

Breathe into them

Reconnect with the love energy that connects you to all love energy

Fill your own tanks with compassion, care, laughter and love

So that you naturally overflow genuine compassion, care, laughter and love to others

With ease

Begin to love yourself unconditionally and

Notice fresh empowerment and

Authentic confidence

A natural attraction

To drink in more joy as you

See the world through loving eyes and

Hold space for everyone to do the same

Help create a new circle of real love

Now, not tomorrow

It starts in you

With you

For you

Ultimately for us

Love On,

Risa Kelley

p.s.- I have plenty of new information, visualizations, exercise and accountability for you, schedule your FREE 30-minute Love Coaching Call with me at a time that works for you.  Click here to schedule your call: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

Photo by Atahualpa Cáceres Primera on Unsplash

I'm So Moving On

It seems so cruel and

so many of my clients face this

that I want to shine light on it here

Call it catfishing, love scamming, what the hell else

It happens all the time in our social media world and it goes a little something like this:

You see someone on line you are attracted to, you strike up an on-line convo, you can’t believe the connection you have, you “talk” often in written messages, things move quickly as they say all the “right” things, you become (usually unknowingly) emotionally attached and

BOOM!

They need money just for a little while, they will pay you back double or

They need visa cards, I-tunes cards or other cash loaded cards or valuable items you can provide

Just temporarily and

They will come visit you soon to be together, but

They have (plausible to the emotionally attached you) reasons why they can’t talk to you on the phone or

On Facetime

Or why they can’t meet you face-to-face

And they question your feelings for them if you are even slightly curious about what is happening and they attempt to manipulate and control you through their anger, your shame or both

What a nasty fucking emotional cocktail

It wrecks people emotionally with guilt, embarrassment, grief, abandonment and anguish

My job is to listen to you without judgment about exactly what happened in this beyond devastating scamming scheme and provide insights to how it works and support you until you recover

And you heart is still attached to it all

If it’s happened to you, I hope it never happens to you again

If it hasn’t happened to you, make sure it doesn’t with this simple sentence:

It isn’t a relationship if you haven’t met face-to-face

Don’t let yourself become emotionally attached to someone you have never met, to a photo, to well spun love stories, to the idea of being in love or to anyone you haven’t seen and spoken with

IRL

Period.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- If you want support with your love scamming, message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley or if you want to talk about it, get on the phone and schedule a free 30 minute call with me, click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Love Stereotypes Suck

Some women have general love tendencies

Many do not

Some men have general love tendencies

Many do not

Some love “experts” will tell you what men want or what women want

And that’s where they lose me

F**k love stereotypes

We want to be loved for who we are

Each individual person is so unique, so unpredictable and a combination of all their own

Genetics, preferences, experiences, and emotions that

I don’t think there is a foolproof way to predict

What we will do

When we will do it

How we love

Yep, labels suck

When we label each other

Or need a man or a woman

To act a certain way,

There is a part of our self that we are not taking care of in that very same way

No judgment

It’s information to use

To grow

To take care of our self in that way

To become responsible for our own emotions

So, we can enjoy love relationships from empowerment

Not neediness

I believe we are here to learn more about ourselves and each other

Without expectations, assumptions, prejudices or narrow pigeonholes

We are here to allow and reconcile the feminine and masculine we have inside

So that we can accept

And love our self fully and

Offer that same unconditional love and acceptance to each other

With open minds and open hearts

Love On

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- For new love information and tools, message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley or if you want to get on the phone and schedule a free 30 minute call with me at a time that works for you, click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

Comparing Relationships

What kills creating new love relationships before they start?

The toxic social conditioning of

Comparison and

Competition

You have seen it a million times over dozens of platforms

A fake or real relationship lifestyle

Celebrities posting about their fabulous partners

Friends coupling up on social media relationship status’

Nothing is wrong with well intentioned sharing and genuine help

Until we compare/contrast ourselves with a tiny slice of life posted on social media or face to face

Until we compare our insides with other people’s outsides

Until we use other people’s relationships to beat ourselves up

We have a natural tendency to assess our environment and scan for threats

To measure what we lack

And that is all well and good

Until it isn’t

Until we take it from the jungle to our emotions

Comparing ourselves to others can turn into a nasty cycle of I am better than they are, I am less than they are.

Hurts

Ever done it?

We all have

No one is superior to anybody else, no matter what we have been taught

What’s the way out?

To unlearn ranking, rating and judging

To measure what we have in this present moment without comparing or competing

With love

Big Love

Unconditional Love

Invincible Love

When we offer compassion and love to ourselves first, we begin to shift to genuine gratitude

Genuine gratitude is a game changer

The game changer

With gratitude we measure what we love about what we have now

And get more to be grateful for

A delicious cycle

Are you in?

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley or if you want to get on the phone and schedule a free 30 minute call with me, click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching