Is It Your Turn Yet?

Around midnight as the calendar silently flips from this year to next. . .

Something remarkable is happening.

You are becoming more of who you are. You are growing into more of you. Being you is the privilege of your lifetime.

Yes, YOU.

You have work to do. Choices to make. Mountains to climb.

But not the kind of mountains you might have been taught about.

Not the majestic mountains outside in glorious nature - you want the peaks inside. The mountains you seek are in your internal universe. In your body, mind and heart. Much will be required of you on this inner journey. Are you up to the task?

There will be laughter and tears on your journey; gems and dirt. There will be unimaginable joy and sorrow. You will persevere.

Begin to enjoy your deep authentic self-love. No faking allowed!

Your journey will require that you act. You must be a doer with dreams.

Or you can go on with what you are working on now.

Are you still up for 2018?

Good. I believe in you.

It is time for you to unlearn what hurts. What keeps you down and helps you forget who you are at your core – magnificent. It is time to step away from what holds you back and glide gracefully into what empowers you.

It’s time to fly.

Be bold, be brave and be on the lookout for bright spots as 2018 arrives. Now is your time. This is the place.

What will remarkable you share?

Love On.

p.s. - message me here: https://m.me/RisaKelley  

Photo by Redd Angelo on Unsplash

Forget the Resolutions

End of year.

So long 2017, hello 2018.

Out with the old, in with what’s new and next.

80% of New Year’s Resolutions don’t work.

Why? Because if you knew how to change what isn’t working for you now – you would have already done it!  Putting a January deadline on what you want to change doesn’t work, it is a recipe for guilting yourself. Guilting yourself is not good self-care.

Stop!!

If you want real change that lasts, start inside.

Yes, in your internal universe. Be kind to yourself. Just like when you clean and tackle a packed closet, clear your internal space for new and next. Mindfully get rid of what doesn’t serve you anymore. You know what it is, let go and release what weighs your down.

Then have a blast visualizing and imagining what you do want for yourself. Be bold. Be innovative. Use your inner spaciousness to relax and get clear on what you want for yourself. Create a plan that excites you, that you feel great about and that inspires you deeply.

And, oh yeah – don’t go it alone, ask for help if you want new effective results. Flip the old tired script that tells you that you are strong if you muscle through it alone. When you are the strong silent type nothing changes.

With your new spaciousness and clarity, seek help, assistance, collaboration, feedback and connection that feels good to you. Use your momentum to take more actions. And more actions. Enjoy the new interactions and fresh relationships you create.

Go ahead, turn the page on the calendar this year without guilt.  Your new open mindsets await you and they have nothing to do with worn out resolutions. It’s about new strategies, actions and relationships, it’s about you. Hello 2018.

Love On.

p.s. - Get in Touch with me!! This time of year is stressful for a lot of us. If you are challenged by the holidays and expectations, I have lots of free stuff to help or you can leave me a message here and I will be in touch as soon as possible: https://m.me/RisaKelley

Photo by João Victor Xavier on Unsplash

Your Love Light and Love Shadow

I’m not blogging today. Nope.

You are. Yep.

Do you have any burning relationship questions or concerns? What’s on your mind?

Tell me what’s your biggest relationship fear, concern or gratitude?

What terrifies you? What keeps you up at night? Or What do you want to change?

On the flip side-

What inspires you? What lights you up? Or What do you want to share of yourself?

Tell us.

Love On.

Photo by Eike Klingspohn on Unsplash

Sadness Takes Flight

You've been there and I've been there. I hope you're not there now.

The depths of sadness.

The depths of sadness for me was when I didn't want to move and getting up seemed impossible. Everything inside of me and outside hurt. My dreams were confused and upset. Queasy. What I used to do easily now seemed monumental.

Keeping it together was exhausting. I wondered if anything was worth it; if anything was worth this much emotional pain. Alone, abandoned and adrift, pain was my companion and focus. 

I won't tell you what's going on in your thoughts, I couldn't possibly know.

I will tell you that on top of my sadness what really hurt me was thinking that I was separate from everybody and everything. I felt cut off from life, love and connection. Separate.

LONELY

And the really weird thing is I believed it. With every fiber in my being. I was certain. And that hurt. Beyond words.

I wanted someone to tell me I wasn't alone. I wanted someone else to want to take my pain away. I needed to hear that I was loved and worth it and amazing. I craved outside validation.

Outside validation didn't arrive for me.

NOW I'M GLAD.

Outside validation would have been a flimsy band aid until the next time I felt someone let me down or I felt used or broken or sad. I always needed something outside of myself to help me feel better.

And that is my job. My responsibility. My honor and my ability. My power.

When I began to look inside myself for what I hoped was outside, everything shifted. 360 degrees. I learned to own my feelings. I learned to purge what hurt and keep what felt fabulous. Good-bye self criticism, good-bye comparing myself to other and people, people-pleasing. Good-bye self judgment and overwhelming self doubt. 

So long and farewell to thoughts that hurt. Hello thoughts that feel more loving. Loving for me from me.

Little by little I began to feel better. I learned to I self-soothe and center myself in unconditional self love. I didn't have to try or force or push. Ease embrace me.

As I treat myself well, I also model for other people how to treat me well. To love me from a whole and healthy intention, not needy desperation. Not for completion.

By taking responsibility for my feelings, action and love, I am empowered to choose my relationships with and from a genuine love within. 

I can not feel fulfilled through outside sources: other people, shopping, alcohol, drugs, money, or appearances. As I learn to I accept myself, I am the only one who can accept or reject myself on a profound and deep level.

With my foundation of authentic self love, I then choose who I want to be with and around. I am not incomplete or looking for my other half. I maintain my relationship with myself through self-love and that big, bright, beautiful energy naturally radiates to everyone. I create new relationships with a combined fresh love energy.

The world shifts with more allowing, acceptance and love for our selves and the oneness we all are.

Including you. If you don't have a strong self love for yourself now, learn gently to shift to it. Nobody deserves unconditional self love more than you do and we all shift to more love as each one of us feels better inside.

I would tell you are amazing and loving but it won't mean as much as when you genuinely feel it inside.

Love On.

for my check out my free membership site, The Love Lounge at:

https://optimizedrelationships.com/lovelounge

Photo by Tina Hartung on Unsplash

Getting thee Feels for The Emotional Staircase

Have you ever found yourself biting back tears?

Or stuffing your painful emotions?

Or wishing you didn’t have to feel anything at all ever again?

Resisting your emotions hurts. It hurts now and it hurts later. It can block your ability to enjoy your life to the fullest.

If you want less pain and more joy in your life, get to know and embrace all your emotions. The whole spectrum or staircase. Choose to get the feels. Get good at mining the gold your feelings and emotions hold for you.

Your feelings arise from inside you and your emotions are your responses to something happening outside of you. All your feelings and emotions are valid and valuable. Your feelings and emotions have news for you.

Close your eyes and allow your breathing to settle.

Center yourself and visualize your emotions and feelings being a colorful staircase. Picture emotional stairs or steps from a basement of awful to open sky amazing. The stairs or steps at the bottom of the staircase don’t feel good like: fear, shame, guilt and anger. The next steps feel slightly less uncomfortable as you work your way to the top of the staircase. In the middle of the staircase you feel emotions like annoyance to irritation to boredom before you reach higher up the emotional stairs to contentment and curiosity. The steps at the top of the staircase feel fabulous like: peace, love, joy and bliss.

Become aware of your emotions and use the way you feel to move up the emotional staircase. Identify and allow what you feel to choose something that feels better for you.

When you feel uncomfortable, upset or unhappy that is information for you to use. Allow yourself to feel the way you do. Next, learn why you feel that way, find the lesson. Then keep the lesson and release the emotion.

Let go of your feelings and emotions to keep healthy energy flowing in yourself.

If you feel upset or unhappy, you are not aligning with who you really are. You are not connected with who you are at your core. Notice where you are on the emotional staircase. Become aware of, allow, learn from and release all your feelings and emotions. After you have released the emotions that block you, choose a better feeling thought to move a step or two up the staircase. You never know what small step will help you feel better.

It is a process of choosing to feel better first and then choosing better feeling thoughts.

When you feel happy or joyful, you are aligning with who you really are. You are close and connected with who you are at your core. Mindfully choose to allow and understand your emotions to help yourself feel better anytime.

Use this simple internal compass of connecting with what feels better and moving away from what doesn’t to connect with more joy. Remember to move up the staircase to help yourself. Joy is your birthright.

Next time you are tempted to numb out your painful emotions or try to forget about them and hope they go away, remember your feelings and emotions hold information for you to feel better. Self-soothe. Be gentle with yourself and choose to feel better. Navigate your way up the staircase of emotions and feelings to more authentic peace, love and joy. Choose your thoughts.

Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of all your emotions and feelings to free up blocks and feel better fast. Mindfully choose to keep your emotions moving and your body moving to feel more of who you are at your core – beautiful love and light. 

Love On.

Get more free content here and sign up for my Love Lounge membership site here: https://optimizedrelationships.com/lovelounge

Photo by Bryan Minear on Unsplash

Love: When the Problem is the Cure

In love relationships, bad break ups and/or unexpected endings are excruciatingly painful.

Soul crushingly devastating.

They hurt beyond words.

But you can find your way back to yourself in time. . . your time.

Go within. Grieve. Get the pain out. Pamper yourself. Give yourself space. Calibrate the right amount of time for you.

But don’t take too much time.

Don’t get down on all love. Don’t hate on love. Don’t become a professional love cynic. Don’t disconnect from the one thing in your world that will help you heal.

Love.

Who needs love?

You do, and here’s why:

So you can learn to use self-love to help yourself feel better.

So you can confront and then understand and finally embrace all of your emotions and feelings. Help yourself get skilled at reflecting on, learning from and liberating your emotions and feelings. Your emotions are your responses to things that happen outside of you. Your feelings are sourced within you.

So you can experience all of your feelings and emotions and gather the information they offer you. Use that information to choose to feel better. Align with more of your happiness.

So you can process your experiences. Find the meaning in them. Mend. Let your emotions and feelings go so they don’t block your body, stress you out and make you sick.

So you can heal up and go to your joy.

So you can connect with all love through your love.

So you can help others heal too.

So you can share your love in your way.

So you can be the love that you are at the center of your heart.

Vulnerable.

Real.

Raw.

Ready for more connection, inclusion, healing, liberation and always more love.

Love isn’t the obstacle; it is the way to more self-love, romantic love and collective love.

Love On.

For more, get your free 5 step love guide here: https://optimizedrelationships.com/5steplgbridge

photo courtesy of ayo-ogunseinde at Unsplash.

Luck and Love

Are you lucky in Love?

Are you unlucky in Love?

Would you be reading this if you weren’t a tiny bit interested in love?

What’s luck got to do with love anyway? Not a lot.

Not really. Love isn’t so much something that happens to you. It happens through you. Love lives within you now.  It always has, it always will. You and your love are inseparable, stuck like beautiful glue.

Want to feel more self-love?

Close your eyes and allow your breathing to settle. Forget love with other people for now. Think of love and yourself. Think of what unconditional love feels like to you. In the center of your heart.

Self-love.

Remember a time when love felt healing to you. Recall a time in your life when you felt completely safe and blissed out. Were you in nature? With a pet? Near a stream, a lake, the ocean? Is it sunny? Bring up the details of what you were seeing, thinking, feeling. In your thoughts, revisit a time when you felt safe, warm and embraced by life. Call it up. Use it to center yourself in challenging situations.

You are love expressing as yourself. You come from love and you return to more love.

Of course, your love energy connects you with love energy everywhere. One Love. Big Love. Unconditional Love. Love Consciousness.

You are loving, lovable and loved. You are your love.

Feel unconditional love wrap around you like a clean, cotton blanket fresh from the dryer. Notice how it calms you and claims you. Unconditional love is safe. Unconditional love is inclusive. Unconditional love is not judgmental. Unconditional love helps you know that you are enough and you are not broken. You don’t need to be fixed.

The only time you are separate from unconditional love is when you think you are or you believe you are or you feel you are. When you notice that you feel separate from love, use it as clue, a red flag or a sign to reconnect with the love you have in your heart and at the core of who you are.  Get back to your loving mindset.

Consciously choose to inhabit love.

Mindfully remember you are in the universal flow of love and it is within you. Together. One. Your heart beat, your pulse and your breath. Visualize bright, inclusive, warm, white light as it pours into your entire being.  Visualize white love light with sparks of gorgeous colors as they flow to and through every cell in your body.

Feel the heal.

Luck has little to do with it. Let unconditional love envelop you.

Check out more at:   

https://optimizedrelationships.com/optin

Photo by Dan Freeman on Unsplash

Follow Your Feelings To Love

Relationships have a starting point.  

Of course, you know this starting place is within your reach. In your heart. Maybe you want to create a relationship and maybe you don't. Sometimes it just happens. 

Your relationships with your family began or continued with your birth or theirs. Your relationships with your friends started the moment you met.  You might remember the stir of love at first sight or you might not believe in it, but your relationships start with your first interaction.

It is all begins with energy. Energy connects us. Hate energy separates us. Love energy bonds us.

As you become aware of your feelings and your emotions, (your feelings are within you and your emotions are your reactions to external events and people), you can allow them, learn from them and release them to help energy move through your body. To help yourself feel better.

You are the only one who can help yourself feel better.

You begin to find the gems in the most painful experience. Instead of avoiding, stuffing or numbing out your feelings and emotions, you learn more about yourself.  It isn’t easy. It is rewarding. You do deep inner work to gain more clarity.

You trust yourself.

Your deep self-knowing and self-awareness help you understand and self soothe. As you realize you are responsible for your feelings and emotions, external people and situations have less influence over you. People pleasing fades. You are empowered to take ownership of your feelings, emotions and life. From this concrete foundation of strength, choose to shift to what feels better for you.

Choosing to feel better puts and keeps you in harmony with the flow of energy of the universe. The more you envision and inhabit your joy, the more time you enjoy! You don’t have to coerce of force anything. You flow in the current of energy that matches your energy. When you are in your joy, you are naturally attractive.

You are aligned with the real you. The person you are at your very core. The person that is love. Game playing gives way to open, honest connection and communication.

Effort to ease.

You elevate the relationship you have with yourself.

And then every relationship you have follows.

Love On.

check out my website here: https://optimizedrelationships.com/optin 

Photo by James Baldwin on Unsplash

Ready to Revisit Love?

You.

I see you everywhere and nowhere. Hell, I used to be you.

I notice you as you go about your day: at work, at the store and in traffic. I see you out and about. Surviving.

But something is missing. . . . 

Big Love.

I understand you don't want to give up on love but you've learned love hurts. It's crushed your heart. You want to try/not try love relationships again. The teeter totter is as confusing as it is exhausting.

I don't see you having a blast with all your relationships or your emotions. I don't see you loving full throttle. You wonder if it's worth your effort.

You are not thriving or firing on all your sparked cylinders. 

And that is why I am here.

For you. With you. My passion is to help you learn effective new ways to have the long lasting love relationship you dream of. To connect to more joy and love - your birthrights.

Remember this: It's not your fault. 

The old games, rules and generalizations you were taught simply don't work. Barely ever did. They cause extreme pain and separation. It's time to kick them to the curb and begin a new path to love today.

There is so much more for you. More hope, more ease and more love. 

If your are a doer and many areas of your life are going well for you except your love relationships. . . and you have tried time and time again to create relationships you are worthy of without success . . .If you know inside at a deep level there is much more love for you  . . .and you've learned to numb out your emotions that hurt . . .

THEN . . .hang on to your beating heart, you are in for a wild and exhilarating flight in Big Love. One Love. Your Love.

I am here to connect you with more love; so much more of what you crave. To help you listen to and honor your internal wisdom. To amplify and honor those intuitive whispers that remind you that you are so worthy of being loved. To create relationships you love in fresh ways you might not have considered. To have fun in love. 

How?  

Unlearn what you have learned that hurts.

The obstacle is the way and sometimes you need help seeing what keeps you stuck. I support you, provide accountability and help you reveal your love blind spots. Together we look at your concerns, fear, limiting beliefs and your habits, because if you knew how to change it up, you would have by now. I help you release what keeps you stuck and replace it with what feels much better. Unconditional love. 

Where do we start?

With those emotions you have been avoiding. Stuffing. Numbing out.

Your emotions are your key to connecting to more love now. They are your quiet guides brimming with information for you to live the love life you want. When you explore and understand the helpful information they give you, everything changes. 

You thrive. You live out loud and in all colors of the spectrum. You shine your love light. 

You stop judging yourself. You stop defending yourself. You draw on a internally sourced well of confidence that makes you rejection proof and naturally attractive. 

Sound good?

It's time to get loving.

Learn to let go of your blind spots and blocks during safe and sensitive weekly phone conversations. And unlike therapy, we don't revisit the past over and over again or work for years on what you want for yourself. You want new results now and I can help you deliver them faster and for less expense than you would get on your own. 

The next move is yours.

Check out more on my website: https://optimizedrelationships.com/optin
or pick a time to talk to me for your free phone coaching session that works for you here:  https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching
Open up space for new. New experiences, new adventures and new people. It's time for your new love. It takes hard work. And so does staying stuck. Surviving instead of thriving. 

The choice is yours. Choose love. 

Love on.






Photo by Ian Espinosa on Unsplash

Soul Love

In love


I watch you sleep to make sure you are breathing

I want to help with your struggle but know I can't

I want to protect you from harm

I will be emotionally devastated if you leave for any reason

I know there are layers to my love for you, some I don't understand

I don't want my time with you to end

I think of you many, many times during my day and at night

The thought of you brings joy to my heart

I am afraid of how much I do love you

I love you even though it isn't logical

I notice your presence through your absence

Love on

www.optimizedrelationships.com

Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash

Lied to Much?

It seems like there is a bit of upset in the air lately. Rage. Static. Fear. Lies. 

I get it. You have been lied to repeatedly and it's frustrating, unfair and just plain confusing:

you might have been lead to believe there is a quick fix or pill for everything

or more money will solve all your problems 

or your soulmate will understand you more than you understand yourself. 

Nope. Not true.

You are the only one who can save yourself. So stop looking for your solutions outside of yourself. Every resource you spend chasing something outside of yourself is misdirected. You can not fill up from the outside in with food, people, material things, shopping, video games, porn, exercise, alcohol, drugs, gambling or thrills.

Being in perfect health won't do it

Winning the lottery won't do it

Finding your soulmate won't do it


No one or nothing is going to empower you to make your life as you dream and know it can be for you, except YOU. No one knows you better than you, so trust yourself. Believe in yourself. 

Empower yourself. You are the only one who can do it. 

Peace, love and fulfillment are inside you now. Remember them. Reacquaint yourself with what you have always known. Listen to your intuition, your voice and your wisdom. Understand and share them. True empowerment is sourced within and radiates from you. 

You can do it.

It will be incredibly hard work.
It will be extremely rewarding. 

Life isn't happening to you, life is happening through you and the moment you flip the script, everything changes. Tune into what you have inside and all the background noise fades. . . 


Instead of being fed up with stuff that doesn't work, use that energy to feed your talents, strengths and gifts. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Create an incredible journey, life and joy for yourself. The definition of empowerment. 

Love on. 




***For more of this grab a free copy of your free guide:
5 Steps to Find Your Forever Love Even if You Hate Dating Games at https://optimizedrelationships.com/free

my website: https://optimizedrelationships.com/optin

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Stop Biting Back Your Tears

Love is infinite and eternal, yet love relationships change and sometimes end:

Someone you love moves far away and you lose touch . . . 
A connective relationship dissolves. . . 
Your loved one passes. 

This doesn't mean your love for your loved one ends. Your love for them changes. And so do you. 

When an important love relationship ends, the realization that you won't be able to see, touch, talk or be with your loved one again is beyond painful. Stinging. Biting. A heart crushing loss. 

You feel an aching emptiness. Physical illness. A void. A challenge to go on and to function.

Loss tilts the day and then marks your days. Life doesn't seem the same. The finality bites into your heart. You cant go back and yet you don't know how to go forward.

You replay memories that bring you comfort and more grief. The echoes and whispers of your love hurt you now. Your loved one is present through their absence. 

How the hell do you get out of this pain-laced house of mirrors?

Trust yourself. Go within. Close your tear swollen eyes and allow yourself a moment of peace. A small time out from grief. 

A breath.

Give yourself more small breaks at first. Then increase the number and frequency of times you allow yourself to rest. Let go and relax even if you can't sleep now.

Time will help you begin to heal and you can help yourself as well. You can choose to be gentle with yourself. Don't judge yourself. Don't make yourself wrong.

Allow your feelings. Allow yourself time to process your feelings. Allow your strength to return.

Reach out. Ask for help. Ask for help, it is one of the most courageous actions you can take.

Talk to someone who will listen and understand and not steer a majority of conversation to their experiences of grief and loss. Express your feelings in a safe and non-judgmental space in your way. 

It hurts more to keep grief in. Journal, exercise, create and express yourself. 

Allow your grief. Clarify the learning and gems in your grief. Release it.

Don't stuff it down inside of you. Don't fight it. Don't numb yourself out and dissociate from it. 

Your grief means you loved. Your grief will take you to the other side of your emotions and to days of more love. Make peace with your feelings. Feel the whole spectrum of emotions, they are your guides to more of what you want and less of what you don't want.

Your grief will help you connect with more joy when you are ready. The deep loss you feel is a hint at the magnitude of love you feel. 

And you are here to love. 

For more of this grab a free copy of your free guide:
5 Steps to Find Your Forever Love Even if You Hate Dating Games at https://optimizedrelationships.com/free

my website: https://optimizedrelationships.com/optin



Photo by pan xiaozhen on Unsplash

Doing Your Laundry and Dating

The friends zone.

Uh-oh. . . . .
Not a good place to be.
You have preconceived ideas about it.

The friends zone gets no love. The relationship zone gets love and it's where all the magic happens.

Like sorting your laundry from a broken plastic laundry basket into lights and darks, there are two possibilities.

Or are there?

Can you reframe how you feel about the friends zone or at least consider that it might be a place to visit or spend some time? A new mindset may be a key to romance for you. 

What happens in the friend zone? People become friends. Having friends is lovely. So far, so good.

What is missing from the friends zone? Red hot, mind numbing Sex, of course. The tingles. Physical bonding. A reciprocal desire to see where this leads. 

Could it be that the friends zone and the romance zone have a bridge between them? Are they linked?

Some people begin a relationship in the friends zone and then cross the bridge into the romance zone. It takes effort and energy to be curious about each other, feel a mutual connection and discover what each of you like. Common ground. From this friends zone beginning you can each decide to combine your relationship energies in the romance zone. Or go your own ways. No judgment.

What will grant or deny you unlimited access in the friends zone and the romance zone? 

Your expectations.

Your expectations allow you access to the friends zone or allow you access to the romance zone. An open mind will help you go between both zones: back and forth. Being comfortable in both zones will serve you well no matter your relationship status.

In many long term love relationships, sex happens in phases. Reality. Sex might be full on or it might be infrequent for a week, or a month or several months in your long term relationship. If you are able to navigate between zones, you won't lock yourself into a narrow concept for happiness.

Imagine you are not in a relationship now. 

If you expect "The One" to arrive in your life and understand, nurture, protect and shower you with gifts, attention and soul shaking love, you are placing an unrealistic intention on the people you meet. Your keep the friends zone and romance zone harshly separate for yourself in your head and heart with your expectations.

The people you meet automatically and immediately fall into the friends zone or the romance zone. Done deal. Over. Next. Just like laundry, only two possibilities.

Is that fair? Fair to you? Of course not. 

How many times have you met someone and immediately and judged them? And disliked them? Be honest. Have any of your solid friendships begun with no expectation and/or a negative or slightly off connection? Did a connective friendship develop between you?

No expectation (not standards -keep your standards as you like them) allows a connection to develop between you and the people you meet naturally. With ease. Honestly. 

As you release your limiting expectations, you feel lighter. Uncover and unlearn what drains, exhausts and hurts you. A happier you is attractive. 

Like the mid-range colors in your laundry that wash together, see new possibilities for yourself to expand.Open space for new relationships. Friendships, love relationships and all the beautiful connections in between belong in your basket of joy.


For more of this grab a free copy of your free guide:
5 Steps to Find Your Forever Love Even if You Hate Dating Games at https://optimizedrelationships.com/free

my website: https://optimizedrelationships.com/optin

Photo by Raka Rachgo on Unsplash