Idiot, Ugly, Not (skinny, young, pretty, rich, funny, cool, etc.) enough
We weren’t born being rough on ourselves. We learned it. Yep. Many of
us have been socially conditioned by well-meaning friends, family and teachers
to criticize ourselves. To punish our self for not being perfect.
Why?
It seems at one point, society’s wisdom was if we belittled ourselves,
we kept ourselves meek and manageable. Being hard on oneself kept us humble. Many
people judged themselves and each other. That’s where we were on our collective
path.
Some people still are.
We were taught to be fabulous little people pleasers and harshly judge ourselves
and unfortunately, became quite good at both. We brought the harsh talk inside our young and
tender minds and hearts. Never to look back.
Until now.
Now we can begin to make changes. Awareness opens doors. With awareness
comes chosen new action.
Like the leopard lying in the tall grass, once we become aware of negative
self-talk, it’s easy to spot. It’s critical for the sake of being critical. It
is uncomfortable and painful. We know it all too well.
Here’s the good news!
If our self-talk is harsh, judgmental, or hurtful, it is not ours! It
is not our authentic voice. Someone taught us to criticize our self and we have
internalized that behavior and/or voice. (Blame is not important or productive
here or anywhere else.) Although it may sound like us, that voice is not our
authentic, self-loving powerful voice.
Now that we are aware of this nasty little habit, what can we do about
it?
Choose new action and release it. Help it go. Pack it’s bags and bid it
farewell for good so that we can be more of the empowered magnificent light and
loving people we naturally are.
How do we release judgmental self-talk?
Consider these 2 simple steps:
1.
Recognize when we are doing it. Notice when the
pattern pops into our thoughts. Are there certain times we are more likely to
denigrate ourselves? Do we do it in response to certain emotions like: shame,
guilt, embarrassment?
This
awareness of when we do it is a tipping point.
2.
Next, interrupt the pattern when we become aware
we are doing it and ask questions: Why am I doing this to myself? What purpose
does this serve? Can I shift to being kinder to myself in this moment?
As we slow the freight train of negative self-talk down, we give our
self a break from the unnecessary and unhelpful criticism. Let go of the
unhealthy judgment. Return to feeling centered.
Now I ask:
Would we talk to a loved one like this? (I hope not, or we are
perpetuating the negative self-talk cycle.) If the answer is no, we begin to unlearn
talking to ourselves in damaging ways.
If we want to go one step further (and I know WE do!) replace our
negative self-talk with a compliment, a positive affirmation or something we genuinely
like and/or love about ourselves.
What a challenge, right?
Negative self-talk won’t go away overnight because many of us have been
running this toxic social conditioning for years. It is important that we
remember to be kind and gentle with ourselves until it becomes a habit. With
patience, awareness and consistent practice, we can be well on our way to treating
ourselves as we want to be treated, as the beautiful hearts we are.
Since the way we treat our self is usually the way we treat everyone,
everyone grows!!
Love On,
Risa Kelley
Optimized Relationships
p.s.- If you want more info on me along with love videos, quotes, and
my blog notes- check out my FB business page here: https://www.facebook.com/RisaKelley/
Photo by Mickael Gresset on Unsplash
