New Year's Eve at Midnight

Got plans?

Do they make your scalp tingle?

Ready for new and next?

My purpose, passion and privilege are to help you enjoy more Big Love

I have much to share with you

Are your ears, heart and mind open?

Good

The uncomfortable news about love first:

We have been lied to and misled

We have been socially conditioned to believe in magic pills, mind games and a love lottery mentality

We have been taught to search for someone to rescue us and know us better than we know ourselves

We have learned to compare ourselves to others and other relationships

We have learned to focus on what we don’t have in our relationships

These social myths have broken hearts, ravaged relationships and set us up for big pain

Enough

It’s for the heartache to stop with new mindsets, approaches and actions to help us enjoy more love today

Begin here

Many of us have challenges is three major areas of our lives:

Health

Finances

Relationships

We may want to make major overhauls or tiny tweaks in one or more of these areas. We have issues in different areas at different times. Or a combo of areas all at once

We change every day. Change is constant. Except when we want new results and we don’t know how to get them

Stuck sucks

One small action can change everything:  

Summoning the courage to ask for help

Reaching out and not going it alone

Small and significant because asking for help sets our new path in motion

Especially in our love relationships

Are you with me? I am a Love Coach, Love Elder and Love Activator

I help people who are beyond fed up with wanting to change and don’t know how

I help open-minded and open-hearted people (if you are closed minded or closed hearted you will have to free yourself from those choices before we can work together) enjoy more love

I help people who measure in lack shift to thriving in abundant love

How?

It is different for everyone and yet the same. We work together:

I have practical new ideas, exercises and accountability to help you connect with and activate more unconditional love now

and

I help you remember and live into your possibilities and potential instead of your limitations

These 2 shifts improve all your relationships

Think there is something wrong with you? Or that you are beyond help?

No one is beyond help because no one is beyond love. (sending you a hug here!)

I help people remember who they have been told they are not

Loving, loved and loveable

I challenge you to reconnect with your natural abilities and strengths to empower yourself to create the love that deep down you know you deserve

My part is minor

Your part is great

And yet we need each other

The beginning of a beautiful relationship

A new outlook

A fresh start

Now

Don’t wait until the New Year when everyone has resolved in tired old ways to change

Ask for help when you are ready

And you will be well on your way to more of the love you dream of

When the clock strikes midnight

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- When you feel like sharing, let me know your thoughts, insights, experiences by scheduling a time to talk with me that works for you. Ready for new? Click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

p.s.s. – There are no love lottery winners and losers. We all are love.

Photo by henry fournier on Unsplash

Don't Let This F Word Destroy Your Relationship

Which F-word?

Future.

It usually happens when we are sitting and overthinking.

We time travel in our thoughts. Time traveling to the past or future can produce worry and anxiety.

Time traveling to the future gives many of us anxiety because our mind is processing a situation our body can do nothing about.  We are out of alignment and it leaves us feeling powerless.

Feeling powerless sucks so we attempt to gain control of the future to soothe ourselves with any amount of certainty.

And then it gets ugly. Really ugly. Especially in romantic relationships:

A Familiar Love Relationship Scenario - We feel good about our relationship. We are in a love relationship and we want it to continue. We want security. And after finding out that our partner is not as ready to pin down the future as we are, we might beg, whine or manipulate them into begrudgingly giving us a promise or assurances about where our precious relationship is headed.*

Yuck.

Best case scenario we get false security, our partner responds with “maybe someday”. Less than certainty to be sure.

Not what we wanted.

Worst case scenario we get abandoned.

Definitely - not what we wanted.

It’s an age-old relationship tug of war. It is as predictable as it is common.

So, what do we do to stop this painful cycle?

Get back in our power. Reconnect with what we can control and that is ourselves. Learn from our emotions and our actions.

How do we do it?

By connecting with the light and love living in our hearts. By remembering we are never powerless. By remembering the love we are inside instead of seeing only another person as our way to bring love in.

By not giving someone else the responsibility of caring for our emotions.

Our emotions are valuable guides to help us align with more of who we are at the core.

Simple Emotional GPS:

If what we are doing isn’t feeling great, we are not close to aligning with our higher self.

If what we are doing is joyful, we are aligning with the magnificence of who we are.

When we become aware of our emotions, we can us them to help ourselves feel better. We can shift out of the old ruts, routines, expectations and attachments and live in more happiness.  More in the present moment. Where all our power is.

Both partners. Each responsible for their own emotions, actions and happiness.

Can you imagine the relationship we can create from this love centered in the present?

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- When you feel like sharing, let me know your thoughts, insights, experiences by scheduling a time to talk that works for you. Click here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

*(I admit I did this, and it failed miserably. Then I asked my boyfriend to marry me. And he said yes, but that’s a different blog.)

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Start Loving

More than you already do.

Why Wait?

Wait to find love?

We are love

Our purpose is to love as much as we can as often as we can

From this elevated energy we clarify our contribution

Why wait for someone to love us?

That is our job

To love ourselves first and the infinite love we have inside

Self-love is empowered love intentions that are naturally connective and attractive

Why wait for the perfect time to love?

Someday never arrives

The present moment is where our active power is

Why wait until we are ready for love?

We are born in love

Remembering and refreshing our love inside gives us momentum for action

Why wait for loving healing, closure or an apology?

Depending on other people or outside situations for our inner fulfillment and happiness is painful

We take responsibility for our emotions and actions

We can not expect anyone to love us more than we love ourselves

Why wait any longer to help ourselves feel better fast?

Closure is acceptance

We give it to ourselves

Life and love are inside jobs

Do our deep inner work

Accept what happened, help ourselves heal and then move the hell on

Why wait to be lovingly rescued?

Sometimes we wait for the perfect combination of outside experiences for happiness

If this, then that

Instead, connect with our inner resources and create more loving joy now

We are our rescuers

Instead of waiting

We

Allow, accept and be grateful for our experiences as loving learning

Center our thoughts in unconditional love and share it

Remember and receive the love that we are

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- My face book group: Loveologists is a safe, judgment free zone to shift to more unconditional love with fun friends. Check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1503456919702692/

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Self Care Shame

Refuse it

Self-care is a subtle reframe

It refreshes and recharges us

Helps us remember who we really are at our loving core

Self-care is anything but selfish

A massage

Hobbies

Reading a fantastic book or binge watching a tv series

A quick run in the park

Getting eyelash extensions

Enjoying wonderful food and drink

Spending 10 minutes in quiet time to listen to our inner wisdom

Dancing alone to a favorite song

Giving ourselves a break from heart crushing negativity or criticism

Nurturing what makes us who we are

Self-care comes in all shapes, sizes, flavors, intensities and personal choices. It energizes us to our inner depths when we raise more energy than we started with. Self-care replenishes what nobody else can provide for us.

Self-Love

Genuine self-care is one of the few ways we give ourselves permission to treat ourselves as well as we treat others. To love ourselves up. To absorb and inhabit the kindnesses we usually give. To connect with our well-being.

Self-care feels deeply delicious, it is all feeling.

Feeling well

Feeling whole

Living large in our light for no other reason than we can

We feel self-care in the reaches of our inner universes

If we rationally analyze it and don’t feel it, it is pointless. We have missed an incredible opportunity to treat ourselves the way we want to be treated and to hold space for other people to treat us as lovingly

It’s all feels

Self-love and self-care are the opposites of self-judgment. Yet, you might be surprised at how many of us judge our own self-care.

Or do without.

Because someone shamed us when we thought to take care for ourselves at a healing level. Told us we were selfish. Judged us for wanting to fill up on fulfillment from the inside.

They don’t get it, but you do

Heart-felt self-care ripples and radiates out from our heart centers to everyone, everywhere. From authentic unconditional love creating an expansive, beautiful contagion

So long selfish

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- to unlearn judgment and for more self-love, schedule your FREE 30-minute Love Coaching Call with me at a time that works for you.  Click here to schedule your call: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

Photo by Michel Catalisano on Unsplash