New Love Chooses You

Shout out to everyone going through challenging relationship shit that still show up

Make the effort

Ask for help

With a bruised heart and an open mind

On some level you still believe in love

After all you’ve been through

And all you haven’t

Don’t give up

Don’t give in to the fear, to the doubt or to the betrayal

Release them. Send them on their way. Say goodbye

Begin again

Better days are ahead

On the way now

Blooming inside

Of you

Keep holding space for new

New love baby

You have so much to share

Remember why you began

Sing your heart song

No one else can

Feed the white light within you

Choose love

New love chooses you

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s.- When you are ready to take a small step toward a new love perspective, check out my free, safe, non-judgmental face book group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1503456919702692/

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

Fear or Love?

A shot to the heart.

Fear floods our bodies with a needle full of burning adrenaline.

Fear is a primal, tribal rush.

It’s contagious.

We can feel it as it spreads like a crackling wildfire on a bone-dry summer day.

We use fear to learn to avoid pain and pursue pleasure.

Our actions are based in fear or love. Both are powerful emotions and motivators. Sometimes it seems like fear is unshakeable and it is when we obsess on it since what we focus on expands.

Fear has been with us seemingly forever. We are biologically wired to notice and avoid unsafe situations in our environments. Fight, flight, freeze or fold.

Fear.

Unfortunately, we are bombarded with fear energy right along with the flood of information we receive daily. Fear is transmitted and sold almost everywhere. In the news, commercials, nutrition, healthcare, insurance and in casual conversations.  

Fear sells.

Fear is influencing our relationships, our health and our prosperity.

It doesn’t have to stay this way.

Can we do our part to help the planet shift to less fear and more love?

Yep.

Every time we refuse to spread fear.

When we break a link in the alarm chain.

When we refuse to panic and instead choose to respond. When we calm ourselves.

Choose less fear.

A simple step to soften the nonstop onslaught of fear is to pause and breathe. Allow a few easy cleansing breaths. Become present in this moment now. When we become aware of our fear, we can choose to process it, release it and then choose to focus on what feels better.

Love feels better.

Becoming aware of our fear helps us face it and use it. Use it to point us in the direction of our growth. Help us understand that the obstacle is the opportunity. Create less fear.

Once we consistently choose not to participate in a fear frenzy, fear has less power over us individually and on the planet. We get better at reducing fear as we practice mindfulness. When we are better able to determine if we are in real danger, we open more resources to create solutions to our challenges.

By clarifying what we want, not imagining what we don’t want.

We can increasingly energize all types of love like we currently do with fear. What is the love v fear tipping point?  

Tip it to love.

Stay calm to help us switch from our survival brain to our higher thinking. To our creative brain. To solutions. To what feels better. To what helps everybody feel better. To inclusive effective action.

Turn off the news, don’t support fear-based selling and help others become aware of our fear hangover. Refuse to participate in fear energy and the consumption of fear. Then notice how you feel inside.  

Fear is a temporary rush. Step away from the fear. Begin to shift out of it. Breathe. Break the cycle.

Choose love instead. If we can imagine it, we can create it. Are you in?

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

P.S. – Begin your fast path to love that lasts with new mindsets and a FREE 30 minute Love Coaching Call with me. Pick a time that works for you to talk with me here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

Photo by Aniketh Kumar on Unsplash

Spring Board to More Love

Self-love is often misunderstood. Or shamed. And that has got to change. 

Self-love is the key to shift to more joy in our personal lives and to more love on the planet. 

Self-love is not happy talk.

Self-love is not selfish.

Self-love isn’t only thinking of our self, it is about taking responsibility for our emotions and actions so that other people don’t have to.

Self-love is treating ourselves as well as we have been taught to treat a partner, a lover, a best friend or our pets.

Self-love is refusing to belittle or harshly judge our self.

Self-love is healthy self-care to feel our best to enliven our dreams.

Self-love is the place to start.

A springboard.

To create our passion and purpose.

Self-love helps us release what doesn’t serve us anymore:

People pleasing

Codependency

Waiting for someone to save us

Addiction

Isolation

Self-love is a personal and a global love gamechanger.

Genuine, deeply felt self-love ripples out from our hearts to everyone around us naturally. Self-love holds space for other people to love themselves. It allows people to decide if they want a love relationship from an energy of empowerment, not desperation.

Good bye clingy, hello real.

Self-love encourages, supports, unifies, includes, helps heal and appreciates all beings and the oneness of all.

No misunderstanding here.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

Hello New Love!

Rejection.

On some level most of us are afraid of it. Afraid of the chaos, upset and pain we don’t’ want to feel when we are rejected by someone we love.

Abandonment sucks.

Rejection is the illusion of having a deeper relationship than really exists.

When we open our hearts and make a conscious decision to be vulnerable, we also open ourselves up to the sting of rejection by another person. Giving someone permission to reject us is all part of fully committing to a love relationship.

Or is it?

It’s time for a shift to a new love mindset that empowers us.  One that encourages us to love ourselves completely. To love ourselves deeply. To take full responsibility for our emotions and actions.

Taking responsibility for our emotions allows us to use them to help ourselves. Our emotions provide us with information and guidance.  Feeling our emotions fully helps us recalibrate, adjust and pivot in our love relationships; to move toward what feels better.

To create our love life and life as we feel it.

That starts with self-love. When we love ourselves on a profound and authentic level, we are the only person who can accept or reject our self.

Let that sink in. We are the only people that can reject or accept ourselves.

That doesn’t mean we won’t be sad or confused or angry when a love relationship ends for whatever reason. Our expectations and attachment increase the pain of separation.

It does mean that we can choose not to give the precious responsibility for our happiness to another person. Many of us have felt the crushing pain when we believed that it is our partner’s or loved one’s ability to make us happy that indicates real love.

Not so.

Real love starts with self-love. It is our work and our reward to take responsibility for our happiness and our love. Our life.

Then we can choose to create a love relationship or not.

Choosing to feel and own our emotions while learning about our self and other people increase connection in our relationships.

Authentic acceptance.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

P.S. - I provide you with practical steps to help you learn more self-love now. Check out how to begin the fast path to love that lasts with the free first module of my online love course Win the Love Game – You Are the One here: https://optimizedrelationships.com/win-the-love-game-module1-pdf

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash  

Layers in Love

What Do You Call It? The feeling of being alive?

Your pulse, your heartbeat, your breath, living energy, chi, prana, ki, divine spark, god presence, life force?

Do you consciously feel it? What do you call the energy inside of you that connects you to all energy everywhere?

I call it big love. Unconditional love is big love. It is inclusive, non-judgmental, nonreligious and cohesive. I speak big love out into the world.

It doesn’t matter what you call unconditional love as much as that you feel it in your core. It matters that you set aside time in your busy life to get still and listen to it. It matters that you feel it’s presence and not just think of it’s presence. It matters that you know it lives within you. It matters that you have always had, have now and always will have this love power within.

It matters that you gift yourself with it.

It matters that you are big love expressing as yourself and big love expresses itself through you. It matters that we come from big love and we return to big love.

It matters that it blows away feelings/thoughts of separation. It matters that you know you are not alone.

It matters that you close your eyes and remember it. It matters that you connect with it on a deep level. It matters that you honor and nurture it. It matters that you embrace it to be genuinely confident and empowered.

It matters that you choose it. It matters that you can choose to add it to any situation and all your relationships to add more harmony. It matters that you get to go forward and use it to help create what you dream of.

Call it what feels right to you, remember it, connect with it, call on it. It matters.

Gaining clarity on your connection with and to this shared love energy is the first step to creating a life you love.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

I offer practical steps to help you add more big love to your life now.  Want to continue the conversation? Choose a time that works for you to talk with me here (it’s free by the way): https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching

New Love, New Ways

It’s time for confetti and celebration! Have you heard? Lots of ideas about love relationships are changing. Maybe not as fast as some of us would like, but they are changing.

Where do you go to learn new relationship information and effective application? Right here of course! https://optimizedrelationships.com/win-the-love-game-module1-video

Here are a few old mindsets that are changing now:

·         That self-love is selfish. This single core belief keeps more people unhappily stuck than any other outdated love mindset. Authentic self-love is your portal to Big Love. Ask me how.

·         That there is a person somewhere that will complete or fix you. New love mindset: you are complete now and the only time you are broken is when you believe you are.

·         That you need someone to save you to make your life better. New love mindset: Nobody is going to save you but yourself and that is your challenge and reward. Stop waiting and start living.

·         That most men or most women act a certain way. Nope. Cookie cutter gender stereotypes are on their way out. There is a delicious mix now that frees us all up to learn more about our differences and similarities without the pain of judgment.

·         That you are destined to be alone. Bullshit! Use your freewill and new love information to embrace being happily single or create the relationships you dream of. You choose, choose love.

You have been taught and told that love is on the outside. Love begins inside your open heart and connects you with love everywhere. You are never alone. Stop waiting for “the one,” or your other half or the person who is going to make your life better! You are that person. Start helping yourself release what isn’t working and replace it with new love information and mindsets. Start today.

Here’s to your new love results.

Love On.

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s. – If you are ready for new results and you want to create new love in a new way, I am only a phone call away. Schedule a phone call with me at a time that works for you here: https://calendly.com/optimizedrelationships/lovecoaching 

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

I Can't Wait Until He Calls Me

I went to a speed networking event a while ago. You know, like speed dating only for businesses. You sit across a table from somebody for 3 minutes. For the first half of the time you tell them about your business and the last minute and a half they tell you about their business. You exchange business cards. Then the people on one side of the table move one chair over to talk to the next person until you have talked with at least 25 people and your voice gives out.

Funny thing is, the most profound connection I made that morning was with a business owner I didn’t speed network with. I met a guy we’ll call Ray. Ray and I started chatting before the chaos of official speed networking began. Ray is a friendly giant of a guy with 2 cell phones he uses for business. He comes across as laid back and business confident.

When Ray found out I am a love coach, his mood instantly changed from friendly to frozen deer in the headlights. I asked him what was wrong. He then lowered his head and whispered that he is divorced, has been for about 6 years, has custody of their 3 kids, works 24/7 and his ex-wife left him because she felt neglected.

He told me he neglected her and he feels awful about it.

I listened and nodded. Then he thought for a minute, leaned toward me as cast his eyes downward and said, “Do you think there is a person out there that can love me?’

I thought for just a minute and told him unequivocally yes. His eyes said he didn’t believe me and I asked him why. He told me that he doesn’t have the time for a relationship as his last one proved.

I know different. Ray is looking for genuine love outside of himself when he has had it inside all along. He has become skilled at pushing what he wants to the back burner. He is stuck in a self-sacrificing loop that is familiar even if it is painful.

Ray uses his ex-wife’s arguments and words to convince himself he is better off without love.  Ray has chosen not to love. But some little spark of love lives inside him or he wouldn’t have asked me if there is someone that can love him. Then he asked me again and I love openings like that so, I told him, “No, there isn’t one person out there that can love you. There are about 1,000.”

He laughed. I laughed and then the serious speed networking started. We didn’t talk again until we were on our way out the doors to the parking lot. He asked me if I was sure he could have a loving relationship. I told him yes and the best place to start is with himself.

I can’t wait until he calls me.

Love On,

Risa Kelley

Optimized Relationships

p.s. – What have you been telling yourself? What are you not giving yourself permission to do? If  are ready for new results and you want to create new love in a new way, I am only a phone call away. 

photo credit: Jason Economides